Thursday, September 15, 2011

Will I {choose to} be filled?

I woke with a grumbling heart.  Unfortunate, as my sweet husband patiently read Scripture, and we prayed.  We fed the farm animals while my soul went hungry, and then hastened to the house to cook the breakfast, fold the clothes, plan the day....kiss my husband goodbye and whisper an apology under my breath, still operating in my strength and not His.  Is there Holy Strength available that early in the morning?  There must be, I tell myself.  In fact, I do remember my foggy mind hearing a whisper from the Spirit, while feeding carrots to horses Lucy, Pretty, and kind to your not grumble about this and that...those things are not worth grumbling about.  Oh.  yes.  He did speak.  Did I listen?  Half-heartedly, I'm afraid.

The warmth of the shower finally woke my deadened spirit, making me alive to the movement of God in my day.  Directions for the day.  Softening of my heart.  It seems that I had forgotten to wake with praise and thanks.  And so, quickly, I went to look for my 'One Thousand Gifts' journal....(more on that here and here) and it was not to be found.  Have I gotten out of the habit?  Can I afford to forget to be thankful?  I think not.

The book of Philippians was staring at me, which reminds me to be joyful and thankful, like the Apostle Paul, in all circumstances.  Right.  I suppose that includes the early morning hours?  I see my empty mug of tea, and reflect on the emptiness in my own soul.

And so, before I plan the rest of my day or return to operating in my own resources....I turn to Christ to be filled....the Wellspring of all joy, goodness, life...the origin of the Fruit my spirit needs this day.  Every day.

{And the Grace my husband tells me I am being too hard on myself....yes...and we will work on getting more sleep for me....Psalms tells me that God grants sleep to those He loves.  And I am loved!}

{This is the beautiful love we are here...}


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