|Yahweh Yoga - Tribe 48|
My intention to post regular updates about my time in AZ has been unrealistic, considering how full our days have been! But we have some time today to rest, and it feels like such a gift. Our training has been wonderful in many ways, but I have come to my limits physically, spiritually, and emotionally/relationally. I would rather see my need to grow, however, than to be content with staying the same. The first couple of days were especially intense, as I was getting over jet leg and also not used to getting up so early. Oh, and doing hot yoga for the first time, in HOT Arizona! I don't remember sweating this much since cross-country training camp in college :) And that was, a-hem, a few years ago :)
One big thing that I am taking away from this time so far is the knowledge that I am a beloved child of God. One sweet sister in our class has spoken of this often (thanks Melissa!), and I was also encouraged by a yoga mentor (thanks, Kristin!) to repeat this phrase to myself when I was facing self-condemnation, discouragement, fatigue, etc. : "I am God's beloved child." What a simple, yet extremely powerful phrase! It has calmed me spirit immensely over the last few days, even as I continue to struggle with the uncertainty of our future... where will we be living, serving, etc., in the weeks and months to come, now that things have changed with Paul's employment? I have had to discipline my thoughts, as well as my body, these last few days. I'm finding that those things, when married together, produce beautiful fruit. While I would not consider myself a lazy person, per se, I can see how I have more potential 'growth areas' than I thought! Doing yoga several hours a day is challenging me to not only discipline my body, but it is providing many opportunities to meditate on the truth of God's love for me, and my need to let go of fear, self-judgment, anxiety, and disbelief in God's goodness. There is something powerful about holding yoga postures, listening to Scripture and worship music, and being given the opportunity to really look within. I have discovered a deeper battle within - will I surrender to the will of God for my life? I have a sense that God may be calling Paul and I back into full-time ministry. Will I let go of my fears about what that might look like, and instead choose to trust His heart of love for us?
Beloved friends, children of the Most High God, you are faced with the same choice today - will you acknowledge God's lavish love for you, and embrace this day, good and bad? Will you praise God in the midst of suffering, and thank Him for what He IS doing and WILL do through you, if you surrender? I have not 'arrived', but I am closer to this than I was a week ago.
So thankful for this opportunity to learn, grow, see more of God's love, and rest in my need for Him... Rest in Him today, my friends. I'd encourage you to check out this great movie about Rich Mullin's life as you seek to deepen your confidence in God's love for you. We are His beloved children, ragamuffins, as Mullins and Manning would say, desperately in need of Grace.
Blessings, sweet friends!