That time I could have been homeless + how you can help others who are

Very soon I will be launching a new website - Nourished By Grace - and sharing more details of God's transforming work in my life...but here is a sneak preview, and an opportunity to help single mothers and children who are homeless...

Several years ago, I was a twenty-someone living and working in Colorado, when God allowed my life to fall apart completely. I had not been taking good care of myself, which included not only my body, mind, and soul, but also my finances.

As is explained in When Helping Hurts, poverty is a holistic issue, that is not simply a matter of finances, but even more so, an issue of our beliefs about ourselves, our hope for the future, and our spiritual condition....giving someone money does not always solve the problem.

My choices in all the areas mentioned above were catching up with me, and I found myself at a point where I had no idea how I would pay my rent for the next month. (You may be surprised to know how many Americans are only one paycheck away from being homeless!) Having recently become a member of a wonderful church in my city, I was able to meet with the deacon board and request benevolent funds to pay my rent. Though quite humbling, this decision allowed me to get back on track financially, as well as receiving advice for budgeting, decision making, and serving others. Personal accountability provided through regular church attendance and the small group ministry was also invaluable during this time. However, many people are disconnected from churches, have strained relationships with friends and family (or no friends at all), or are not willing to ask for help (I have certainly been that person in the past)...

For all these reasons, I'm excited to share this giving opportunity with you through Bridge of Hope Centre County. Paul and I will be a part of this run/walk tomorrow night (but you can still give after that) and would love to have you support our team - Holy Yoga State College. You can give on our personal page, or on the team page, both go to the same fund. One big reason I am excited about this opportunity (aside from the cool glow-in-the-dark paraphernalia for an evening race :-)) is that Bridge of Hope is a church-based ministry that connects its recipients with mentors and volunteers in our local community! This follows the model suggested by When Helping Hurts and the Chalmers Center, which has helped thousands re-think the way they view charitable giving. I have seen the benefit of benevolence being connected to Christian community not only in my life, but in the life of a good friend, Nicole, who shared her story on my blog earlier this year.

Please take a look at these links (our sponsor page and our team sponsor page) and consider whether this is something you might want to contribute to. I also highly recommended the book mentioned in this post.

May your weekend bring much rest and rejoicing!

Ruth 

(Bonus: here's a budgeting software program we're trying...see what you think?) 

Belief in God's love {our fuel for the joy battle}

Weary in many ways, we walked into the church service yesterday and were greeted by a group of precious elementary aged children singing Jesus Loves Me. It had been so long since I'd heard those words, or rather, since I'd really listened. Their sweet introduction led the congregation into Tomlin's worship song with the same title, and I fought to hold the tears back. Sometimes life just feels like a fight, and without the proper fuel and armor, we are left naked in the battle. I was fueled by that simple reminder of God's love, and ironically, didn't hear much more of the service because I was not feeling well. God knew that, of course.

In her new book, Fight Back With Joy, author Margaret Feinberg drills down to the source of the joy we all long for, especially as we face trials: 

What is the genesis of this joy? I believe that, at its core, joy emanates from the abiding sense of God’s fierce love for us….When we embrace this love and cultivate an awareness of it, our hearts are filled with joy. Such awareness strengthens our resolve that no matter the fight, we face it confident that God is with us and for us. When we fight back with joy, we no longer size the character of God according to our circumstances, but we size our circumstances according to the character of God and his great affection for us… When we fight back with joy, we embrace a reality that is more real than what we’re enduring and we awaken to the deepest reality of our identity as beloved, joyful children of God."

I couldn't agree more! I have fought this battle to embrace God's love. In fact, it's at the core of my story. Letting go of my perfectionistic tendencies, and finding my hope and help in Christ, rather than my own abilities, has changed me body, mind and soul. No longer must I find my confidence in what others think of me, my achievements, or any other shaky ground. The firm foundation of God's love is the basis for the joy I experience now, and that can never be shaken.

I am a firm believer in the holistic nature of our body, mind and spirit, and passionate about encouraging women (and men) to pursue health and vitality that will encompass every part of their being. Joy is no small part of this pursuit towards wellness. The author knows this quite well, as she details in her book. She chose JOY to lead her fight against a cancer diagnosis, and surprised many at what a profound impact that choice made. We are not guaranteed health and wellness simply because we follow Christ, however, choosing to fight for joy can be one part of the remedy that leads us back to health in body, mind and soul. 

God finds delight in us, and delights to show up in our daily mundane schedule, often in remarkable ways. I have experienced the delight of this daily joy hunt over the last few years, and have seen what a profound impact that has had on every area of my life, health, relationships, and faith. Are we looking for God to show up? Are we creating, gathering, and spreading joy? This is part of 'cultivating an awareness of God's love', as mentioned in the quote above. I'd argue that self-care is part of that cultivation as well (but more on that in another post.)

Many of you may not believe that joy is a struggle for me, as I'll most likely greet you with a huge smile and a big hug, and have been told on numerous occasions what a joyful person I am. Hearing those comments brings ME joy, because it doesn't come easy. For any of you who have faced painful trials, you know the real depth of darkness they bring. I am not a stranger to that darkness. Perhaps you are in that place now, whether it is brought on by physical issues, life circumstances, or a struggle of faith.

It is so easy to give in to despair when life is hard, instead of seizing the day or rejoicing in the Lord, as the Word commands on numerous occasions. A former pastor often reminded us to avoid the Eeyore - Christian mentality (Eeyore is the pessimistic, stuffed donkey friend of Winnie the Pooh, if you're not up on children's literature :). In the words of C.S. Lewis, "Joy is the serious business of heaven." Our response to what life throws us will not only affect our lives, but those of onlookers. But don't take my word for it... pick up Feinberg's book, and dive into the meat of her search through hundreds of Scriptures on joy.

As Feinberg says, "Joy is more than a feeling; it's an action. We don't just sense joy; we embody it by how we respond to the circumstances before us." If you're facing any kind of darkness, or know someone who is, I'd highly recommend you pick up this book! Let that be your first action in the fight for joy. And then join me (and the author) in spreading that joy everywhere you go... it's contagious and irresistible!

Find Fight Back with Joy on Amazon or Barnes and Noble. Or click here for the 6-session DVD Bible study, sure to encourage and inspire!

Embracing the joy and mystery of Christmas {even when life hurts}

Emmanuel, God With Us, is inviting you into His mysterious joy...

I'll omit the apology for not writing in a while, because honestly? It's been a very challenging season of trials and this last heartache left our hearts bleeding and crying out for Christmas joy like no other. I'm not gonna lie, if any one of us is needing joy, I'll be the first in line! As I've cried out for comfort and leaned on friends in new ways, I'm finding that the things I'll share here are making all the difference. Perhaps this isn't exactly a picture perfect Christmas for you either? Well, stick around, because you and me, friend? We've got front row seats to a Christmas miracle and the tickets are FREE!

I've asked God for a special reminder of His presence and love, and the song O Come, O Come Emmanuel has sprinkled crumbs on the trail to His glory and grace. My worship-leader-treasured-friend reminded me that most Christmas songs are written in a minor key, and you might be asking why? Longing. We are all longing for the hope, peace, and joy that the people of God craved before the first coming of Christ. They weren't just waiting for months, or a couple years, we're talking hundreds of years since there had been any prophetic revelation from God.  Take a nice, slow read of a few stanzas in the song at this link.

Do you see the longing displayed in those words? These were some seriously dark times for the people of God, friends. May we find encouragement in knowing that we are not alone this Christmas, and God is again this year bending low, humbling Himself and giving His presence in the midst of whatever circumstances we are facing.

Emmanuel, God with us. He is the friend like no other, who will sit down with you in the middle of your mess. He'll hold you, he'll cry with you. In fact, He came to share the sufferings of life with you. He is the gracious and compassionate High Priest. My mind is struggling to wrap itself around the simultaneous truths of God's goodness and sovereignty, yet again. No need to feel guilt over that if you are there too. But regardless of whether or not you are able to embrace those mind-bending truths, you can confess your doubt and struggle to believe Him. 

My mind turns to the beautiful young Mary, the mother of our Lord Jesus. Because of her humble faith, we are able to enjoy the embrace of our Savior in hard and happy times. When we don't understand why God is allowing difficulties, or when we are equally astounded at undeserved blessings that come our way (as we should be), we honor God by entering the mystery of His grace with the humble faith Mary had. She did not understand exactly what God was doing, but she chose to praise Him in the midst of it and she chose to embrace HIS plan for her life. It was certainly not an easy road for her, in many ways. I'm asking myself this Christmas, how can I embrace where God has me, both the good and bad, and praise Him still? How can you?

Though He will always come to find us, humbly entering our mess, we can bring Him glory by moving towards Him in faith as well. Remember, He wants to be WITH YOU in your pain. He is not asking You to wash up and put on that cute holiday dress before you can show up at the ball. He takes your hand, and invites you into His presence anyway. 
I'm still learning to dance, but here are some steps I'm taking towards His embrace this Christmas...

Honesty and humility - Nobody likes platitudes, but sometimes speaking the truth as a bandaid over our pain (whether it's our self-talk or the words of others) helps, and other times, the wound just keeps festering underneath. I know, because when the pain is gushing out bright red, your sweet little heart feels like it just might explode and who wants that? Being honest with a few friends, my husband, and most importantly, God, has been vital to surviving this recent loss. It is pretty humbling to have to admit how much we can struggle to believe (especially when that word is plastered all over ads and commercials this time of year) but no one can really help if they don't know what you're going through. 

Friends like Philemon - If you don't have friends like Paul had in Philemon, who encourage your heart and stand with you in the battle, start asking God for them. But most likely, I'd be willing to bet there is at least one friend or family member who is wanting to be there for you. Will you let them in? I can totally empathize here, as asking for help is again, humbling, but thankfully the people who love me are patient, and I'm certain your support network will be too.

Moving towards the pain, not away from it - Ouch. I know, I had to bring this up, right? Hiding in bed is pretty comforting too, but we've all got to face the day at some point. The pain and grief you are facing won't go away, and maybe you are not ready to deal with the issues right now, but the longer we put it off, the slower the healing will be. Give yourself grace, but take some small steps every day to look at the wounds, allowing the Healer to bind them up and comfort you with His word.

Forgiveness - If nothing else in this post has spoken to you, I'm guessing maybe this one might? Unforgiveness is such a huge obstacle to joy at Christmas time, considering all the people we are mingling with. Small talk won't cut it if there are years of misunderstanding that need to be dealt with. What if you had that talk you've been putting off for so long? Have you considered forgiving yourself too? The Gospel is Christ coming to earth, entering our mess, making a way for hope, joy and PEACE with Him and others for eternity.

Tears of worship - Remember those friends I mentioned? Another lovely friend comforted me with the fact that our tears are precious to God (He keeps them all in a bottle, the Word says, but it's okay if you need that Olympic-size swimming pool next to mine :) When prayer is hard, friends seem absent, and you're just not ready to deal with the pain, tears are enough. He is WITH us, and willing to walk with us, wherever we are today, whether we are ready to heal or still curled up in a ball.

I hope you can find comfort in the mysterious joy of Emmanuel this Christmas, regardless of your circumstances. Remember that dusty, dirty stable where Christ was born? It's okay if that's what your heart, your home, or your relationships are looking like this Christmas. Jesus did not demand a perfect situation for His arrival on earth. He humbled Himself and came in the most vulnerable way. Wherever you are this Christmas, He wants to be WITH you there. Will you let Him in?

For additional encouragement, check out Emmanuel (Hallowed Manger Ground) by Chris Tomlin and Hope is Alive by Ellie Holcomb. I've had the second on repeat lately, it's that good :)

UPDATE: Great encouragement for the suffering in this broken, hostile world from Ann Voskamp (don't miss the spoken word video at the end!)

Amazed by Grace,

Ruth

When a hard story is the best story // keeping your heart alive to hope

Sweet friends. You've stopped in again to let me open up my heart and share the good news of the Gospel in the midst of our brokenness. Perhaps you've seen bits and pieces of the story the Divine Author has written across the pages of our one flesh life this year. The job loss, the weeks of travel, the moments of joy and reconnection with family, the darkness of losing a mother I never knew but gave me so much in Paul, the renewed desire to give our lives fully to vocational ministry, the desire for little ones, new and unexpected callings, moving a-g-a-i-n, and the unforgettable brilliance of Grace in the midst of it all. It has been an uphill, tearful, and yet joyful season. I am quickly reminded of the Cross as I write, the Story of Grace in the midst of darkness, as the story His followers thought should be written one way had a dramatic, painful, and yet gloriously eternal and necessary twist. It was the hardest and best Story ever to be written.

Perhaps you are living a hard story, a painful story that you never wanted and would gladly write yourself out of if you could, yesterday. I know. I've been there. In some ways, I am there. And yet, it's in these dark and confusing moments where we find the deepest Grace, the most profound connections with those we love, and the most dramatic growth possible. There's no other way to move forward sometimes, except through the darkest valleys. We all live for the happy days, the days when life 'makes sense' (at least to us). We see the wicked flourish, the unlikely prosper, the ungrateful and selfish expand their broken families endlessly. Disease abounds, governments make unwise decisions, women make choices that bring death and not the freedom they crave.

And yet. Or rather, but God.... This masterful HIS-story maker and life-story production manager is at work writing an epic story through our brokenness. He is turning the effects of the fall, our sin and the broken systems in which we live into something glorious, beautiful and breathtaking. If you are written into His eternal playbook as His adopted child it's happening in your home, closer yet, in your very heart. Pretty amazing, I think!!

But it hurts. It really hurts. Some days, who am I kidding, most days, it is easier to distract ourselves from the pain with anything that works... could be something harmless, could be something damaging and deadly. You know what your go-to method is. To be clear, finding ways to lift our hearts and bring us joy in good and godly ways is not to be denied. In fact, we are called to rest and allow our hearts space to breathe. God often allows pain to heal our hearts. The pain could be a result of our sin choices, the sin of others, or the brokenness we daily face because of the fall in the Garden (See Genesis 3). Life just doesn't work the way it was meant to. Are there good and healthy ways to keep our hearts alive but at the same time not ignore the deeper work going on within us?

What happens to our hearts when life hurts? Does our heart stay alive to hope or does it slowing stop beating? Do our relationships die or do they grow stronger? Do our callings become stronger and more obvious, or do our dreams slowly die? This is where the battle lies, and the enemy wants nothing more than to turn our hearts to stone...to kill, steal, and destroy the life that is growing within us as we are daily renewed in Christ. How do we fight for our own hearts, and the hearts of those we love to keep beating with purpose, joy, conviction, and intentional focus on Gospel living?  There are never easy answers. At least I haven't come up with any! But looking to the ancient paths given by our Maker are the surest ways to lasting hope and joy. May I humbly encourage...

~ The Living Word. Ingest it in small amounts, big amounts, listen on audio, read online, read the old-fashioned hardbound, read it in Spanish or Greek. However you can get His words into your soul, please DO. The Psalms bring me relief in hardship like nothing else. Read good Christian books, fiction too!

~ Pray & confess. With a friend, as you shower, as you cry, give kisses, wash dishes, or wish the day would end. Pray honestly, one word at a time if needed.

~ Be thankful. There are apps, there are notebooks, you can text it to your friend, or post it on FaceBook, or across the sky. But thankfulness will breathe life into your otherwise dreary day as few other things will. Ask God to help you when you're not thankful, and thanking Him for the Grace He gave on the Cross is a good place to start.

~ Honesty. With your spouse, a friend, yourself. There's no need to look pretty when life is messy. I've tried it - with horrible results!! I like the Day One app for a place to record my thoughts and prayers.

~ Care for your temple (Romans 12:1-2). Sleep, eat your veggies, take a walk or yoga class. Taking care of yourself, even when you don't feel like it, will reap huge dividends. I find that taking care of myself physically and emotionally reminds me of my worth in Christ. You are worth the effort, friends! But - ahem - dark chocolate might help too!

~ Give yourself extra grace. Being hard on yourself when life is hard is just...pointless! But we all do it. God is looking at you with deep compassion even if you've made bad choices to get you where you are right now. Beating yourself up in the midst of your struggles will just compound the difficulties.

~ Fellowship. Hold onto friends and family. Tightly. Look for every chance you can to spend a moment together with someone you love, whether on the phone, over coffee, a movie night, doing chores, whatever! Don't be afraid to reach out to someone new - I'll bet he/ she needs a friend as much as you do, and sharing your struggles honestly will open up more of your heart as well as theirs.

~ Look to eternity. If you are His child, all pain and tears will pass away, and our joy in Christ will far outweigh the pain and suffering of this life. I know very well how hard it is to wrap your mind around this truth, so ask God to help you live with eternal hope. Preaching it to myself as I type!

~ Find rest in the fellowship of His suffering, knowing you will never face the depth of pain and sacrifice that He bore for your sins, but that He is also a gracious High Priest who understands. He will meet you there, in deep and profound ways.

I recently started reading The Hardest Peace and have been so deeply moved and impacted by Kara's words. One point in particular that blessed me immensely are her comments concerning Proverbs 1:33, and the promise that as we rest in Him, He will remove not the disaster, but the dread of the disaster. Fear causes us to live in agony as we imagine the impossibility of future circumstances (often not imagining the God of Abundant Grace with us there!) But He will keep you in perfect peace as you turn to Him, as you walk the ancient paths... slowly replacing fear of pain, with faith in the One who suffered the deepest pain.

Fighting for our hearts,

Ruth

Suffer well, live well

  

  In the last 5 weeks, we've been in 13 different states, as Paul candidates for various pastoral ministry positions. (We're not done!) We've enjoyed visiting with churches and spending time with several family members and friends along the way, but because the length of the trip was very much unexpected and several stops were added along the way, I've had to adjust my expectations several times (which is not my forte). I like being in control of my life, or at least having the allusion of being in control.  :) I really miss our cute little home in Florida, our friends, and church...and having your own space and schedule is certainly hard to let go of for an extended period of time.  I'm learning to take James 4:13-14 seriously!

In some ways, I've traveled this path before: the unknown and winding path, the fears lurking around every corner, and the insecurity of what the future holds... Walking a path of uncertainty feels strangely familiar. It's almost like a recipe that you've cooked several times before, and though you might add different spices each time, or some other interesting variation, the main recipe stays the same. What's my recipe for hard times? James 1. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18. Psalm 18, 23, and 40. Worshipping, praying and crying with friends. Choosing thankfulness. Eating too much chocolate. Extra naps and walks and yoga. But sometimes the oven is turned up a little hotter or your capacity (pan size) for the difficulty might be different, etc. Sometimes you cook with friends, sometimes alone (most of life is better with companions). Thankfully, God is a great chef and no matter what He throws in the mix, it eventually turns into something beautiful. Silly analogy? Perhaps. However, considering the fact that I haven't always enjoyed cooking, it's a miracle that it's now one of my favorite activities. The same can be said about seasons of hard times in my life.  I'm certainly not eager to see them come, and just like you, I'd rather life be comfortable, but each trial brings with it particular joys that looking back, I'm glad I didn't miss out on.

 “An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered.” ― G.K. Chesterton


For a wedding gift, a dear friend wrote the quote above in a blank journal, that I later used for a thanksgiving journal. No quote could have been more appropriate for the journey of marriage we've been on together. I think it's easy (and quite natural) to consider trials an inconvenience. Look a little closer at another word in that quote - 'considered'. This same word is in James 1, which, to be honest, has not always been one of my favorites. I know, I know, that's a terribly un-Christian thing to say, but James 1 used to really rub me the wrong way. It is a hard truth to wrestle with, this assertion that it is largely in my control how I experience trials. Notice I did not say, whether or not I go through trials, or what they might look like, but how I experience them. I can be miserable, or I can choose to 'consider them pure joy.' I can choose to 'consider them rightly.' What does that even mean? I'm sorry to say it is probably not the answer you want, and it will require work. Certainly work that God will empower you to do, but it comes down to the battlefield of the mind. This means choosing to think rightly about our trials in the light of who we know God to be, rather than judging God's character in the light of difficult circumstances. {Read more by clicking on the Calm my Anxious Heart image above right - affiliate link}

This definition from the Webster's 1828 Dictionary is very helpful (wonderful dictionary reference): CONSIDER, verb transitive [Latin , to consider to view attentively, to sit by; to sit. The literal sense is, to sit by or close, or to set the mind or the eye to; hence, to view or examine with attention.] 1. To fix the mind on, with a view to a careful examination; to think on with care; to ponder; to study; to meditate on. 

In essence, when we are going through trials, we must fix our eyes on things that are good, true, and lovely, namely the perfect character of Christ, as being a loving Provider, Protector, Savior, Friend, Warrior, Sympathetic High Priest, One who daily intercedes for us at the right hand of God and promises to NEVER leave or forsake us. He is allowing each trial because He loves us; He is not standing far away, judging us, laughing at us, or wondering if we will choose a certain path. He knows how we will respond, and He knows at exactly which temperature to place the 'oven of life', to produce the results in us that He desires and knows will help us in the eternal sense. If we fix our eyes on the storms around us, like Peter did, we will sink every time. Easy to say, you might be thinking, harder to do. And right you are! I certainly am no expert in this regard, but what I will say is that the fruit flowing from this mental discipline of choosing to focus on GOD and His promises, rather than the trial, is so rewarding. You will find yourself gradually choosing this narrow path more than the easy, oft-travelled path (which eventually leads you into a pit of despair). Trust me, I've been there too many times!  Enter Psalm 40.  :)

Bringing this back to a wellness focus, we see that there is a good and right way to suffer. A way to struggle through life bearing the fruit of righteousness, rather than hardened, bitter hearts.  Research shows that bitterness can lead to so many health problems, not the least of which being anxiety, depression, a weakened immune system, broken relationships, and a diminished view of our own worth and God's love for us. We see the rewards of responding to life's storms with wisdom in Proverbs 3:5-8. Notice especially verse 8: "It will bring healing to your bones and refreshment to your body." I'm certainly not saying that A (doing the right thing) always leads to B (feeling better physically, mentally, spiritually), but as we see with generally following the wisdom principles in Proverbs, choosing to trust God and respond to Him in faith does often lead to positive overall wellness, joy, and peace. This is a never a guarantee this side of heaven though, and certainly not dependent on your level of faith or God's favor in your life. Many people suffer with health problems their entire lives, whether they have been living in wisdom or not.  But doing everything in our power to live healthy, whole lives is something that often (not always) brings favorable results.

As challenging as it might be for you to begin the process of capturing and redirecting your thoughts, the short and long-term benefits are certainly worthy of consideration (there's that word again!). You will find yourself more regularly filled with joy, and your faithful Shepherd will be right beside you, cheering you on, lifting you up when you fall, and lightening your load when it is more than you can carry. Remember those friends we were cooking with earlier?  They will carry you to Jesus if needed, I'm sure. :)

Many blessings of peace and joy...

Ruth

**For further reading, consider Jen Wilkin's study on the book of James.  I'm only just starting, but so far it's excellent!