Meet Nicole : powerfully changed from death to life

Nicole Gallagher - changed by God

Last week, many were reflecting on the Roe vs. Wade decision and Sanctity of Life Sunday. Rather than entering the conversation in an abstract or hostile way (which is sadly often the case), I asked my dear friend to share her personal story of God's work in her life--how he led her to choose life when it would have been much easier not to do so. Many women are aware of the obvious effect on the child, but rarely is the fuller picture of how the abortion will affect the mother discussed. I asked Nicole to speak to this issue as well. Her passion for God is evident from the moment you meet her! It was such a blessing to get to know her when we attended church together before moving back north. Our Presbyterian church needed her 'Praise Jesus' and Hallelujahs' and many were moved by her tears of thanks to God during the services (and still are, I'm sure). Read on, and may you be blessed and encouraged by Nicole...

I want to begin by saying that my story is not at all one of how I found Jesus, but instead of how Jesus picked me up out of the literal pit of destruction and set my feet upon a rock.

    
I was 27 years old and had already been on the path of destruction for seven years, before my eyes were opened to the consequences of what I was doing. I had been going hard all day, every day, getting high on crack cocaine and doing everything I was grown enough to do to support my monstrous five hundred dollar a day habit. Which sadly was most easily funded by street prostitution. Prostitution was an epidemic in Sanford at the time, the city I had run away to when I was 21. I hated what I had to do to get high, but being young and pretty made everything I needed readily available. This included being shacked up at the drug house, with the dope dealer’s brother, who also got high and loved the cliental I brought his way. This was the place I called home for the majority of the seven years I wasn’t in jail. At that point, I had frequented the jail more than 30 times. 

    
I was appalled when I found out that I was pregnant; who was going to want me if I was pregnant?? This was really going to put a damper on my everyday activity. So I asked one of my sugar daddies to pay for an abortion. He said he would, but only if I went and talked to someone first. I remembered how painful my first abortion was, as well as the promise I made to myself that if I was dumb enough to ever get pregnant again, I would give the child a chance. It is one of the worst physical pains I have ever experienced. Also, now knowing the infinite love of God for both me and the child I aborted, I realize that it is a spiritual pain that breaks the heart of God and leaves a scar on your soul.

I highly suggest that any woman who made the choice to abort a child, as I did, seek counseling through any pregnancy center in her area. When a woman (or man) comes to know the depravity of the sin of abortion, she will need healing and deep restoration. There is loving forgiveness from the Father in heaven, who can heal any pain that sin has caused. Seek the opportunity to honor that child's life through sharing your pain with someone who can help you. To any woman who is considering abortion, please know that you have other options for this child's life, who God has created on purpose for a purpose. Please also be mindful of those who cannot have children and would consider it the blessing of a lifetime to teach and raise your child.

    
The day I walked into the Sanford Crisis Pregnancy Center, which was oddly enough on the very same corner where I worked as a prostitute, I was greeted by a warmth and kindness that I will never forget. The ladies at the center told me that "life or death" was a choice. How could they be so kind to me after watching me jump in and out of cars with different men on a daily basis? I remember the words that Andrea spoke to me even today, “Why should I judge you Nicole, you just sin differently then I do."

    
I spoke with these ladies and let them know that I would be open to adoption, but made it very clear that I had absolutely no intent to stop doing what I was doing. I had no idea that from that moment, a spiritual war was waged concerning whether or not I would continue to self-destruct and possibly destroy the life inside me. I had no idea that I had been befriended by warriors in the kingdom of God that specialized in saving and preserving life in every form.

    
After meeting with the couple that would adopt my child, I wondered why such a nice Christian couple would want my baby, knowing that the father was African American and that it would possibly be born with some defects because of my selfishness. I had no idea that my blind eyes would be open to Christ’s love for me through this child's birth. Annalise was born on December 25th, a bit premature as an effect of my rampant drug use. Miraculously, she was not born with any defects or addicted to drugs and alcohol; Annalise was born with a 100 percent clean bill of health!!

It was three more years before I would be supernaturally delivered from addiction, and I have my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ to thank, as well as the ladies at the crisis pregnancy center. The women continued to encourage and pray with me every time they saw me outside, and the adoptive parents of my daughter funded me to go to a rehab facility. Andrea, the director of the center, three years later continues to encourage me in who I am in Christ. She is my biggest cheerleader in every moment of victory that I have in my new life in Christ. Truly He makes ALL THINGS NEW!!

A couple of final notes from Ruth: Though I do not know your story, dear reader, and how your life may have been touched by abortion, I know you can find comfort in Jesus, the Friend who will walk with you every step of the way. He is WITH US and FOR US.  I will also add that in the case of an ectopic pregnancy there is little to no chance for the baby to survive (and that the mother's life could be at risk). 

One last story... when I attended a prominent church in Colorado Springs, I was in a college and career group with a brave single woman who had been raped and yet chose to carry her baby to term! She humbled herself and moved back in with her parents for support during the pregnancy. I do not know if she put the baby up for adoption or raised the child herself, but I will never forget her testimony. She always said that it 'was not the baby's fault' and she did not want to add a second wrong to the first wrong.  

Additional resources for your encouragement or to share with a friend:

Focus on the Family Dignity of Human Life video
Article on how Abortion Harms a Woman's Health from FRC
David Crowder - Come As You Are - worship song

May God shower you with grace as you walk the road ahead of you...

Embracing the joy and mystery of Christmas {even when life hurts}

Emmanuel, God With Us, is inviting you into His mysterious joy...

I'll omit the apology for not writing in a while, because honestly? It's been a very challenging season of trials and this last heartache left our hearts bleeding and crying out for Christmas joy like no other. I'm not gonna lie, if any one of us is needing joy, I'll be the first in line! As I've cried out for comfort and leaned on friends in new ways, I'm finding that the things I'll share here are making all the difference. Perhaps this isn't exactly a picture perfect Christmas for you either? Well, stick around, because you and me, friend? We've got front row seats to a Christmas miracle and the tickets are FREE!

I've asked God for a special reminder of His presence and love, and the song O Come, O Come Emmanuel has sprinkled crumbs on the trail to His glory and grace. My worship-leader-treasured-friend reminded me that most Christmas songs are written in a minor key, and you might be asking why? Longing. We are all longing for the hope, peace, and joy that the people of God craved before the first coming of Christ. They weren't just waiting for months, or a couple years, we're talking hundreds of years since there had been any prophetic revelation from God.  Take a nice, slow read of a few stanzas in the song at this link.

Do you see the longing displayed in those words? These were some seriously dark times for the people of God, friends. May we find encouragement in knowing that we are not alone this Christmas, and God is again this year bending low, humbling Himself and giving His presence in the midst of whatever circumstances we are facing.

Emmanuel, God with us. He is the friend like no other, who will sit down with you in the middle of your mess. He'll hold you, he'll cry with you. In fact, He came to share the sufferings of life with you. He is the gracious and compassionate High Priest. My mind is struggling to wrap itself around the simultaneous truths of God's goodness and sovereignty, yet again. No need to feel guilt over that if you are there too. But regardless of whether or not you are able to embrace those mind-bending truths, you can confess your doubt and struggle to believe Him. 

My mind turns to the beautiful young Mary, the mother of our Lord Jesus. Because of her humble faith, we are able to enjoy the embrace of our Savior in hard and happy times. When we don't understand why God is allowing difficulties, or when we are equally astounded at undeserved blessings that come our way (as we should be), we honor God by entering the mystery of His grace with the humble faith Mary had. She did not understand exactly what God was doing, but she chose to praise Him in the midst of it and she chose to embrace HIS plan for her life. It was certainly not an easy road for her, in many ways. I'm asking myself this Christmas, how can I embrace where God has me, both the good and bad, and praise Him still? How can you?

Though He will always come to find us, humbly entering our mess, we can bring Him glory by moving towards Him in faith as well. Remember, He wants to be WITH YOU in your pain. He is not asking You to wash up and put on that cute holiday dress before you can show up at the ball. He takes your hand, and invites you into His presence anyway. 
I'm still learning to dance, but here are some steps I'm taking towards His embrace this Christmas...

Honesty and humility - Nobody likes platitudes, but sometimes speaking the truth as a bandaid over our pain (whether it's our self-talk or the words of others) helps, and other times, the wound just keeps festering underneath. I know, because when the pain is gushing out bright red, your sweet little heart feels like it just might explode and who wants that? Being honest with a few friends, my husband, and most importantly, God, has been vital to surviving this recent loss. It is pretty humbling to have to admit how much we can struggle to believe (especially when that word is plastered all over ads and commercials this time of year) but no one can really help if they don't know what you're going through. 

Friends like Philemon - If you don't have friends like Paul had in Philemon, who encourage your heart and stand with you in the battle, start asking God for them. But most likely, I'd be willing to bet there is at least one friend or family member who is wanting to be there for you. Will you let them in? I can totally empathize here, as asking for help is again, humbling, but thankfully the people who love me are patient, and I'm certain your support network will be too.

Moving towards the pain, not away from it - Ouch. I know, I had to bring this up, right? Hiding in bed is pretty comforting too, but we've all got to face the day at some point. The pain and grief you are facing won't go away, and maybe you are not ready to deal with the issues right now, but the longer we put it off, the slower the healing will be. Give yourself grace, but take some small steps every day to look at the wounds, allowing the Healer to bind them up and comfort you with His word.

Forgiveness - If nothing else in this post has spoken to you, I'm guessing maybe this one might? Unforgiveness is such a huge obstacle to joy at Christmas time, considering all the people we are mingling with. Small talk won't cut it if there are years of misunderstanding that need to be dealt with. What if you had that talk you've been putting off for so long? Have you considered forgiving yourself too? The Gospel is Christ coming to earth, entering our mess, making a way for hope, joy and PEACE with Him and others for eternity.

Tears of worship - Remember those friends I mentioned? Another lovely friend comforted me with the fact that our tears are precious to God (He keeps them all in a bottle, the Word says, but it's okay if you need that Olympic-size swimming pool next to mine :) When prayer is hard, friends seem absent, and you're just not ready to deal with the pain, tears are enough. He is WITH us, and willing to walk with us, wherever we are today, whether we are ready to heal or still curled up in a ball.

I hope you can find comfort in the mysterious joy of Emmanuel this Christmas, regardless of your circumstances. Remember that dusty, dirty stable where Christ was born? It's okay if that's what your heart, your home, or your relationships are looking like this Christmas. Jesus did not demand a perfect situation for His arrival on earth. He humbled Himself and came in the most vulnerable way. Wherever you are this Christmas, He wants to be WITH you there. Will you let Him in?

For additional encouragement, check out Emmanuel (Hallowed Manger Ground) by Chris Tomlin and Hope is Alive by Ellie Holcomb. I've had the second on repeat lately, it's that good :)

UPDATE: Great encouragement for the suffering in this broken, hostile world from Ann Voskamp (don't miss the spoken word video at the end!)

Amazed by Grace,

Ruth

The Glimpse of Light, on the Darkest Day

Source

You've heard it said that the dawn shines most brightly after the darkest night.  And today it couldn't be any truer.  We remember the sacrifice of our Lord on the cross so many years ago. It was with a deafening gasp that He gave up His spirit, but with that gasp, we gained access to the Holy Spirit.  So often we think that our darkest moments are just that:  dark.  But I believe that each dark moment is pregnant with hope, the hope of what can be through Christ, not the darkness of what seems to be.

The Grief, the Hope:  Mary and the others gathered below the cross, and must have felt the terrible weight of grief, the incredible pain of losing their Savior, their only hope.  Have you ever watched your only hope slip away from you?  I have felt that pain.  But is this possible?  The truth is, if we are children of God, we cannot 'lose' our hope.  But we are easily deceived into thinking that our earthly hopes are equal to our Eternal Hope.  Not so!  We may 'lost sight' of our hope, but it is never truly lost because it is dependent on God, and not us.

Fellowship with the Light:  Because of Christ's triumphant death and resurrection, we have an unshakeable hope, certain and sure....an inheritance waiting for us in heaven.  And lest we be confused, that inheritance, our greatest reward, is Christ himself.  It is not the relief from sorrow and pain, as wonderful as that may be, it is not our new bodies, it is not the reunion with fellow saints....all great blessings, for sure.  But the Light that we see breaking into the darkest night, our darkest moments, is the Light of Christ and the fellowship we can have with him.  When I meditate on what Christ did for us and think back to my darkest times, I find myself drawing closer and closer to Him.  For the fellowship of suffering, though challenging, brings the brightest Light into our soul.  We die with him, and live with him.

Is it 'Good' Friday?  I wonder sometimes if the hard times I have suffered, and that others suffer are really good?  We look at the crucifixion and because we know 'the rest of the story', we know that it was good, very, very good.  In our dark times, we must trust that Christ will shine Light on every part of our stories.  He is able to make all things beautiful in His time.  

Ruth

{Join me every Friday as I link up with The Gypsy Mama's Five Minute Friday link-up!}

On the Bookshelf

Good books keep me going....and here are a couple that have encouraged me lately.  Perhaps they will do the same for you!

I had a lovely time with several ladies this morning, as we discussed the many miracles described in this first book.  It was apparent after reading Stewart and Stewart's, Seven Miracles That Saved America, that God's hand of blessing has been on our nation.  It was particularly encouraging to me in this time of recession, political upheaval here and abroad, and general discouragement concerning the direction our nation is headed.  Many of these miracles were not a part of my American History knowledge, and no surprise there, as much of our history has been 'revised' by those who are set on erasing God from history.  HIS-story, not our story, may I add?  The story-telling in this book is excellent, and made me feel like I was a part of the scenes that were unfolding.  The book covers several hundred years of history, starting with Christopher Columbus, all the way to Ronald Reagan and others.  I would encourage you to pick this book up.  Though a little bit of a longer read, it is well worth it and will bring you hope that God can turn any dark time around for His glory and our good!

The second book was on a topic that I am wrestling through and seeking to grow in.  Have we discussed this?  I believe I have mentioned it briefly, but contentment is a struggle for me, so I was delighted when my sweet hubby sent this e-book to me a while back.  Contentment: A Godly Woman's Adornment is a beautiful book.  I have allowed this one to marinate in my soul and hopefully it has gone down deep into my fibers.  That is the goal!  If you struggle with contentment, or know someone who does, this book will be a blessing to you.  The author is very 'approachable' and made me feel like I was just over for tea, talking about my life and hers.  The book is laced with stories of Biblical women, modern-day women, and emphasizes both our struggle with sin and the need for hope.  This is a small little book at 112 pages, but you will want to take your time, pray as you read, and search your heart to discover what God may be speaking to you through the author's words.  This book is the second in the On-the-Go Devotional Series, covering several virtues in all (Joy, Purity, and Trust).  Check them all out--I may do the same!

What books are on your book shelf these days?  Please leave a comment if there is something good you'd like to share with the readers!

Blessings,
Ruth

***As a side note, I do not receive anything for reviewing these books, and I have opted not to participate in the Amazon Affiliate program, so the hyperlinks above are simply as a help to you!  RF