When a hard story is the best story // keeping your heart alive to hope

Sweet friends. You've stopped in again to let me open up my heart and share the good news of the Gospel in the midst of our brokenness. Perhaps you've seen bits and pieces of the story the Divine Author has written across the pages of our one flesh life this year. The job loss, the weeks of travel, the moments of joy and reconnection with family, the darkness of losing a mother I never knew but gave me so much in Paul, the renewed desire to give our lives fully to vocational ministry, the desire for little ones, new and unexpected callings, moving a-g-a-i-n, and the unforgettable brilliance of Grace in the midst of it all. It has been an uphill, tearful, and yet joyful season. I am quickly reminded of the Cross as I write, the Story of Grace in the midst of darkness, as the story His followers thought should be written one way had a dramatic, painful, and yet gloriously eternal and necessary twist. It was the hardest and best Story ever to be written.

Perhaps you are living a hard story, a painful story that you never wanted and would gladly write yourself out of if you could, yesterday. I know. I've been there. In some ways, I am there. And yet, it's in these dark and confusing moments where we find the deepest Grace, the most profound connections with those we love, and the most dramatic growth possible. There's no other way to move forward sometimes, except through the darkest valleys. We all live for the happy days, the days when life 'makes sense' (at least to us). We see the wicked flourish, the unlikely prosper, the ungrateful and selfish expand their broken families endlessly. Disease abounds, governments make unwise decisions, women make choices that bring death and not the freedom they crave.

And yet. Or rather, but God.... This masterful HIS-story maker and life-story production manager is at work writing an epic story through our brokenness. He is turning the effects of the fall, our sin and the broken systems in which we live into something glorious, beautiful and breathtaking. If you are written into His eternal playbook as His adopted child it's happening in your home, closer yet, in your very heart. Pretty amazing, I think!!

But it hurts. It really hurts. Some days, who am I kidding, most days, it is easier to distract ourselves from the pain with anything that works... could be something harmless, could be something damaging and deadly. You know what your go-to method is. To be clear, finding ways to lift our hearts and bring us joy in good and godly ways is not to be denied. In fact, we are called to rest and allow our hearts space to breathe. God often allows pain to heal our hearts. The pain could be a result of our sin choices, the sin of others, or the brokenness we daily face because of the fall in the Garden (See Genesis 3). Life just doesn't work the way it was meant to. Are there good and healthy ways to keep our hearts alive but at the same time not ignore the deeper work going on within us?

What happens to our hearts when life hurts? Does our heart stay alive to hope or does it slowing stop beating? Do our relationships die or do they grow stronger? Do our callings become stronger and more obvious, or do our dreams slowly die? This is where the battle lies, and the enemy wants nothing more than to turn our hearts to stone...to kill, steal, and destroy the life that is growing within us as we are daily renewed in Christ. How do we fight for our own hearts, and the hearts of those we love to keep beating with purpose, joy, conviction, and intentional focus on Gospel living?  There are never easy answers. At least I haven't come up with any! But looking to the ancient paths given by our Maker are the surest ways to lasting hope and joy. May I humbly encourage...

~ The Living Word. Ingest it in small amounts, big amounts, listen on audio, read online, read the old-fashioned hardbound, read it in Spanish or Greek. However you can get His words into your soul, please DO. The Psalms bring me relief in hardship like nothing else. Read good Christian books, fiction too!

~ Pray & confess. With a friend, as you shower, as you cry, give kisses, wash dishes, or wish the day would end. Pray honestly, one word at a time if needed.

~ Be thankful. There are apps, there are notebooks, you can text it to your friend, or post it on FaceBook, or across the sky. But thankfulness will breathe life into your otherwise dreary day as few other things will. Ask God to help you when you're not thankful, and thanking Him for the Grace He gave on the Cross is a good place to start.

~ Honesty. With your spouse, a friend, yourself. There's no need to look pretty when life is messy. I've tried it - with horrible results!! I like the Day One app for a place to record my thoughts and prayers.

~ Care for your temple (Romans 12:1-2). Sleep, eat your veggies, take a walk or yoga class. Taking care of yourself, even when you don't feel like it, will reap huge dividends. I find that taking care of myself physically and emotionally reminds me of my worth in Christ. You are worth the effort, friends! But - ahem - dark chocolate might help too!

~ Give yourself extra grace. Being hard on yourself when life is hard is just...pointless! But we all do it. God is looking at you with deep compassion even if you've made bad choices to get you where you are right now. Beating yourself up in the midst of your struggles will just compound the difficulties.

~ Fellowship. Hold onto friends and family. Tightly. Look for every chance you can to spend a moment together with someone you love, whether on the phone, over coffee, a movie night, doing chores, whatever! Don't be afraid to reach out to someone new - I'll bet he/ she needs a friend as much as you do, and sharing your struggles honestly will open up more of your heart as well as theirs.

~ Look to eternity. If you are His child, all pain and tears will pass away, and our joy in Christ will far outweigh the pain and suffering of this life. I know very well how hard it is to wrap your mind around this truth, so ask God to help you live with eternal hope. Preaching it to myself as I type!

~ Find rest in the fellowship of His suffering, knowing you will never face the depth of pain and sacrifice that He bore for your sins, but that He is also a gracious High Priest who understands. He will meet you there, in deep and profound ways.

I recently started reading The Hardest Peace and have been so deeply moved and impacted by Kara's words. One point in particular that blessed me immensely are her comments concerning Proverbs 1:33, and the promise that as we rest in Him, He will remove not the disaster, but the dread of the disaster. Fear causes us to live in agony as we imagine the impossibility of future circumstances (often not imagining the God of Abundant Grace with us there!) But He will keep you in perfect peace as you turn to Him, as you walk the ancient paths... slowly replacing fear of pain, with faith in the One who suffered the deepest pain.

Fighting for our hearts,

Ruth

Confessions of a not-always-so-gentle-wife

It was a week of victories.  Battling the flu and trying to keep a good attitude, but (mostly?) winning.  Embracing the unknown, living out my calling as a wife, teacher, sister, friend.  But not every week has victories.  Some weeks I am just plain ugly inside, and that ugly slips out onto the people around me.  This past month on the Letters to My Sisters blog, the topic was 'anger'.  Here are my thoughts and reflections on that issue...

Dearest Sister,

It is hard to admit that I struggle with anger.  Perhaps you understand, as it is not exactly a ‘feminine’ quality!  Certainly not the ‘gentle and quiet spirit’ that I am called to exemplify.  But nonetheless, I will be honest and tell you that I have been quite surprised to see this in myself since getting married.  Now mind you, this cannot be blamed on my husband, but I will say that marriage can bring out the best—and worst—in a person!  More often than I’d like to admit, I can be short-tempered and easily frustrated with my beloved husband.  As I thought through this issue, I came across this quote:

“Anger and bitterness are two noticeable signs of being focused on self and not trusting God’s sovereignty in your life.  When you believe that God causes all things to work together for good to those who belong to Him and love Him, you can respond to trials with joy instead of anger or bitterness.” –John C. Boger

Read on, over at the LTMS blog...

Blessings on your fall weekend!

Ruth

Choose Thankful Submission...and Restore Childlike Wonder and Joy

A reminder every morning to value our union

It was Saturday afternoon, and I had had a rough morning. There was some tension between me and my sweet man, and it was largely my fault. I had spoken harsh words, and was not willing to yield some of his ideas...and the result was a collision of wills.  My lunch had burned, and it added insult to injury...but my audio book version of 1000 gifts struck a chord with my hard heart.  Thankfully, I was now willing to listen. She spoke of the joys of surrender, of opening ourselves up to the ways of God, and how this restores our childlike wonder and joy.  I recalled my photo adventure just a day earlier, as I had chosen to look for little displays of grace and beauty in my world.  God did not disappoint. I will leave you with some of those grace-moments, and urge you to pick up your camera, and go on a beauty-hunt yourself!

A welcome to others by our front door--the joys of hospitality

You will be amazed at all the beautiful things around you, that will open you up to living with childlike obedience.  

Reminders of our special day

Stepping out on our patio for some fresh herbs!

Bird of paradise flower, thoughts of our eternal paradise that waits

This happy hibiscus

Mama duck and her babies

 I pray that moments like these will help you turn from your rebellion and hardness of heart, and find the joy and wonder that I have found in true surrender.  I have realized again,

that choosing to submit to God and my husband, is really a door to joy, that can be found no other way.  Choosing my own ways over His, over my husband's (apart from following into sin) is really not the answer.  Joyful surrender is becoming more and more of a delight.


And finding the beauty all

around me in these joy moments, little snippets of grace, makes the hard days oh-so-bearable.  How do you fight through the hard days?  Please share in the comments.


As for the conclusion of my tough day...in his ever gentle ways, my honey helped me find my way back to repentance, the refreshing streams of Grace that only God can offer, but that often come to me through Paul's words and actions.

When the Mundane Saps Your Life...and Needing a 'Gratitude Adjustment'

Source

I've been feeling a little down, emotionally and physically, and the mundane has seemed well, very mundane!  My students have both been sick and I may have caught a touch of that.  So there have been lots of naps :)  But I realized of late that I have gotten off track with my gratitude journal, and it is showing in my attitude!  I need a 'gratitude adjustment'!  :)

As providence would have it, it was recommended to me that I pick up 1000 gifts.  {Our kind pastor's wife had no idea that I've been trying, ever so imperfectly, to do just what the author suggests....for months!}  So this gentle nudge, that I believe was from the Lord, has gotten me back on track.  And you know what?  It's been such a delight, as I go about my day, with my journal in hand, blissfully recording all the ways that God shows up in the mundane.

I hope you have been able to stay faithful with this gratitude discipline.  Share your thoughts on how you keep your heart going in that direction, even more so than just picking up the pen to record the daily delights...

Below are some of my thanks, recorded over the last few days.

~we made it through another day (can I get an amen?)
~Paul's loving protection
~a weekly day of rest--such a blessing
~electricity going out and prompting an unexpected (and needed) date night :)
~patient husband and his wise convictions
~lunch-time phone calls from my honey
~the gift of giving
~renewed intimacy with my Savior
~shared moments, learning to love
~a muffin in the middle of the night, prayers too, and stomach calmed
~Blueberry Banana Oatmeal Smoothie--a new favorite--yum!
~learning to window-shop, make wiser purchases
~marriage waited for, and all its sweetness
~lazy Saturday mornings
~choosing to serve immediately--growth!
~learning to really hear, absorb what the other is saying
~living in the moment

....and so, so many more!

I trust you have had a joy-filled, thankful day.  Choosing thankfulness is SO worth it, for your good, and God's glory.  {remind me too, please?}

Blessings on your day,

Ruth

Knowing You Need the Forgiveness He Offers

On this day last year, I was thanking the Lord for my new husband

It's Maundy Thursday and I feel unprepared for this Easter weekend.  Yes, I've been practicing in the choir for weeks, and there is a general air of thanksgiving in my heart, but the mumbled commitment of 'being more sacrificial' seems to carry little weight in my soul.  It is so easy to miss the chances to practice sacrificial love....to lay down my rights for others, for my God.  And yet, He did this so freely, taking the cup that Last Supper eve, and drinking down the wrath His father would lay on Him so soon.  Am I willing to drink from the cup He drank from?  To experience the pain of sacrifice, of a life lived with no regrets because it's lived empty of self?  I still have so far to go.  I look back and remember where I was a year ago, however, and feel thankful that I have grown....but still so far to go.  Always so far to go when compared to Christ.

And yet I, we, can rest in the knowledge that we are deeply loved, deeply forgiven.  That love and forgiveness was bought for us this very weekend so many years ago, as our Savior hung on the cross willingly.  Am I willing?  Do I even see the battle I am facing, to choose Christ over self?  I am thankful for reminders that quicken my spirit....the voice of the Lord whispering to me, a friend's prayers, the words in a book, the blog that challenges me, the lives of those who have gone before....

It all adds up to a soul that desperately needs the forgiveness that is offered her.  And so this weekend, I drink deep of all I am given in Christ...I come to Him dirty, He washes my feet, and His blood is sprinkled on my guilty head as I kneel before the cross of His suffering.  Tears threaten and my heart is at rest.  These days of Holy Week mark a new season for me...a chance to come to Him anew, walk the road He walked, and find joy in suffering for this Great Cause.

Knowing I need all the forgiveness He will offer.  Knowing that the forgiveness He offers is all I need.

I pray your heart will be stirred this weekend, and that you will come away thirsty no more, having tasted the water that will forever quench your soul.

For more on forgiveness, read my latest letter here....

Ruth

It was a {mostly} beautiful day: what to do with expectations

Our anniversary came and went, and I enjoyed just about every minute.  The moments I could have done without were the ones where my sin nature and expectations for my husband put a dark cloud over the sunshine of the event.  Paul had done a great job thinking through how to make our anniversary special:  first it was the plan to take a trip on the Rivership Romance here in Central Fl, but we eventually found out it closed last year.  Then it was the Melting Pot--wow!  I thought that was a great idea, and so did Paul, but the thought of feasting on unhealthy food, and gouging our pocketbook didn't sit right with us.  So I scoured the internet for fondue recipes and ideas.....(I'll include the recipes we used below).  In the meantime, my attitude could have been better.  I felt neglected, for some silly reason (sin) and my dear sweet husband had to put up with me while I sorted out my feelings.  It turned out to be a wonderful day, having lunch together at Paul's workplace, taking a walk together, and then fondue and fruit pizza for dinner (followed by reading and enjoying the evening at home).

I am so thankful that God brought my sin to my awareness, and on our morning walk yesterday I was able to confess this to God and Paul.  {confessing sin is step number one!} Shortly after, God brought the fun ideas to my mind and I could sense Him quickly turning things around for us.  Oh, did I mention that Paul wrote me an incredibly sweet love letter and brought some lovely flowers home too?  Just like I doubt God, it is easy to doubt my dear husband (through no fault of his own).  But it is Grace to see my sin, repent, and walk a new road.  {walking a new road in Grace is step number two!}  I'm learning, even if slowly.  Enjoy the photos and blessings on your day!  Ruth

 Let's start with dessert!  (I made this the night before)....

Okay, so I was really proud of my creation :)

This tradition was started by Mom & Dad

Mom's Fruit Pizza

1 cup flour
1/4 cup powdered sugar
1/2 cup butter
8 oz. cream cheese
1/2 cup granulated sugar
Assortment of fresh and/or canned fruit
1/4 cup sugar
1 1/2 T. cornstarch

With a fork, combine flour, pwd.sugar, and butter until coarse
crumbs are formed. Sprinkle evenly over a 12 or 13 inch pizza pan.
(Sometimes I take 1 1/2 times the recipe and use a larger pan.)
Press crumbs to form a crust and bake for 15 to 20 min. in a 325
degree oven.  Cool.
Combine cream cheese and 1/2 cup sugar and spread over cooled crust.
Chill crust while preparing fruit.
Reserve 1 cup juice from a can of peaches or pears and combine with
1/4 cup sugar and cornstarch in a small pan. Cook and stir till mixture thickens and bubbles.  Cool and spread over the fruit which has been arranged over the crust. Chill.

***I used Bob's Red Mill Gluten-Free flour and xanthan gum in place of regular flour as we are trying to stay away from flour for health reasons.  It still tasted great!

Paul at our anniversary lunch, card with photo memories of our honeymoon

Power Salad for lunch (thanks, Mom, for this one too!):

Makes 8-10 servings, prep: 25 min, cook: 27 min, chill: 2-12 hours

1/4 cup chopped walnuts

2 1/4 lb sweet potatoes (about 4 medium), peeled and cut into 1/2 inch cubes

2 lb. Granny Smith apples (about 4 medium), cut into 1/2 inch cubes

2 Tbsp. fresh lime juice (about 2-3 limes)

2 Tbsp. no-calorie sweetener (I used coconut sugar, my fave)

3 Tbsp. raisins

1/4 tsp. salt

1/2 cup plain fat-free yogurt (I used Greek)

3 Tbsp. reduced-fat mayonnaise (I used Olive Oil mayo)

1.  Heat nuts in a small nonstick skillet over medium-low heat, stirring often, 8-10 minutes or until lightly toasted and fragrant (I actually forgot to do this and they were still okay if you are short on time).

2.  Arrange sweet potatoes in a steamer basket or stainless-stell colander in a 4-6 quart Dutch oven over boiling water.  Cover and steam 16-17 minutes or until potatoes are fork tender (I would recommend longer as mine were not quite done).  Plunge potatoes into ice water to stop the cooking process; drain.

3.  Place apples in large bowl.  Sprinkle with lime juice and no-calorie sweetener; toss gently to coat.  Stir in sweet potatoes, raisins, salt, and 3 Tbsp walnuts.

4.  Stir together yogurt and mayonnaise.  Add yogurt mixture to sweet potato mixture, tossing gently to coat.  Sprinkle with remaining 1 Tbsp. walnuts.  Cover and chill 2-12 hours.  Enjoy!

We also had Snapea Crisps--a new discovery at Walmart that is healthy (I think?) and just as yummy as chips.

Pizza Fondue!

Pizza Fondue Recipe for dinner

I used grape tomatoes, pineapple, green peppers, artichoke hearts, mushrooms, and gourmet meat slices, such as capicola for the dippers.  It was a hit, and much cheaper and healthier than The Melting Pot!  We felt no need to overeat because we had paid a fortune, and we also have leftovers for tonight! :)

Lovely and thoughtful flowers from Paul

What's that Smell?

Holiday groceries are bulging in my fridge as we prepare for family coming to visit us (yes, we will be hosting in our cute little apartment :) )  I finally got to the back of the refrigerator, most of all because I had to, in order to make room, and I wondered...isn't this what God is always doing with us?  Cleaning out the old and making room for the new?  The fresh winds of His Spirit that will carry us a few more weeks, days, months?

I know that it is easy for me to just ignore the bad smells every once in a while (hey, I'm not the only one, okay!?) in both my fridge and my heart.  The dish that tasted good a week ago is now looking green, and I think of my heart, and that sin that started out so innocently, and has grown and grown....and grown....and now it smells, and not like the aroma of Christ, either!

It is time for a heart inventory.  That's what David thought when he said, Search me, Oh God!  (Psalms)  I am learning to come more quickly to my Father when I start smelling a foul odor, and repenting so that I can be cleansed and filled anew.  What a blessing and privilege as children of God, that our sins are not held against us!  What friend do you know that will forget all your blunders and continually lavish you with love?  Well, I have some great friends and a darling husband, but I'm sure they remember some of my faults and have to work to love me at times....

This Christmas, would you clean out your heart as I do the same?  Come to Christ anew, and make way for the blessings of Grace that He is wanting to pour into your heart, your story....

And don't worry, I'll be getting the refrigerator cleaned up and ready for my guests too!  I might even send you some photos of our lovely time together....How blessed it is for brothers to dwell together in unity!  I pray your Christmas gatherings are lovely and full of love.

Blessings
Ruth

Great Expectations

Okay, so I've never read the above book....shame on me....but I have done my share of expecting....Putting expectations on myself, others, or even God.  This Christmas, I'm giving the gift of humble expectations, rather than the outrageous ones that plague me....or those I love, when I'm around.  I'm trusting that God will fill me with hope as He fulfills my deepest longings, rather than living under the slavery that comes when I am bound to my pride and demanding-ness.  How?  Not in my own strength, that's for sure!

You see, Christmas always brings with it great expectations for me.  And this became very evident to me when my love and I started having some conflict surrounding what our Christmas would look like.  We both had great ideas....it's just that neither was really willing to budge....an inch....to compromise in love for the other.  I'm happy to say we're on the other side of that now (for the most part ;) )

You see, Christmas was always a wonderful time for me growing up--lots of family, food, and the magic that most parents work hard to create for their blessed little youngsters.  It was not perfect by any stretch, but I loved the glow of the lights, all the presents, the handmade things we made together, the baking, the eating, the singing, and the list goes on.  It was days and days of enjoyment and it led me to believe that Christmas was about making ME happy, not always about bringing glory to God.  Now, that's not to say that I hadn't progressed a little further from my more self-centered childhood, but it turned into the season being about having the perfect gifts to give, and recreating that special once-a-year time for ME, rather than truly thinking about what would bless others in this season of joy, giving, and remembrance.

Now that I am becoming one with someone else....a very dear someone else....it can't be about me anymore.  Technically, there is no 'me' anymore....not at least as I used to be.  This Christmas, I have the chance to lay down my desires, serve my sweet husband, and together discover the beauty of new Christmas traditions, values, and the chance to bring glory to God together.

Sounds like a wonderful opportunity to become less of me and more of HIM....and isn't that what this month is all about?  The man-Christ, who laid aside His kingly rights and humbled Himself enough to be born in a manger, so that we could be born again into His family as Eternal brothers and sisters.  I am so thankful that Christ chose me to be in His family!  Tonight I choose to lay aside my rights, to further the earthly family that God is creating for me, and to bring glory to God.

What are you expecting this holiday?

By Grace
Ruth

Seeking to....Know Him?

It seems like it could go without saying.  We seek the Lord in order to know Him....but do we?  Do I?  When I start struggling with discontent, the first place to look is my heart, and what my heart is craving....passionately pursuing...and subsequently, causing me to run from the Lord.  I've been searching my heart, pursuing honesty with the Lord, in order to get to the bottom of the discontent that plagues me, the mire in my soul that convinces me that God is not good.  That He has forgotten.  That His promises are not true.  What plagues you when the bustle dies down?  When the to-do list is done and the house is quiet but for your anxious and repetitive thoughts?  What are those thoughts?

I sat on my new-to-me love-seat just a couple of days ago, reflecting on where I am in life, and where my soul is finding joy, as I've resolved to do...and the question came to me gentle, but firm...I dismissed it at first, but it came again, "Why are you seeking me?"  I was ready with my Sunday-school answers, but none of them seemed sufficient...none true...and it was too late.  My mask was ripped off with that simple query from the Holy Spirit, and I was left naked, and waiting.  Waiting to hear what He was wanting to teach me in that moment.  I've learned to listen closely in these moments, as they do not come as often as I'd like.  And I discovered that some repentance was in order.  It seems I have drifted from seeking the Lord for the pure delight of knowing Him.  Why do you seek Him?  Perhaps I am alone on this one.  But there are a myriad of reasons why we may seek Him, if we really look deep in our hearts....is it another thing on our to-do list?  Is it to feel good about ourselves?  Is is to earn favor with God?  Is is to impress others with our spirituality?  And while I know that we can and will never have totally pure motives in any spiritual endeavor...it is still worthwhile to open up the dark closets of our souls, and let the light of Christ shine in.

From Philippians 3:
⁷ But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. ⁸ What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ ⁹ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. ¹⁰ I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, ¹¹ and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.


After that couch conversation with my God, it seemed that communion with Him came more quickly, though I still have so far to go.  Resolve with me to put aside false reasons for seeking the Lord....and ask for His grace to seek Him anew....as we bask in His radiant presence, the journey can only get brighter!

Ruth

Reminders from a Hard Day

We all want the good days.  The days when our souls fly high like a kite on a blustery day.  We (or is it only me?) like to feel confident, self-assured, and fearless.  But some days we feel confused, uncertain, and afraid.  The emotions threaten to undo us, and we lean helplessly on the structures around us, whether church, friends, family, and the like.  I'm wondering if this is as bad as we might think, however.

Is it a bad thing when I realize my need for Grace, and that I am not the Source, but the servant (Ann Voskamp)?  Is it a bad thing when I have to cling to the promises of my Father's love and unmerited favor?  Is it too awfully terrible to have to humble myself and reach out for help, when I come to the end of my own resources?

Somewhere in the middle of this hard day, I decided that the answer to all those questions is...NO.  It is not.  And while I did not have a terrible, horrible, no good very bad day, like Alexander....it did humble me and remind me that like Paul, I must cling to the promise that my life was created to exalt the Gospel and not myself (Philippians 1:12).  

And because of that, today I rejoice.  Although my plans had to change, my to-do list was not completed, and my pride and self-confidence were pricked a bit....I am beginning to see that this, too, can bring glory to my Great God and Father, His Son, Jesus Christ, and the Spirit that lives within us and makes us holy.

Amen.

Compassion Starts at Home

Please, if you would be so kind, take a peak over here at my article posted today on compassion, at the Letters To My Sisters blog.

Perhaps you can relate to something in that article, which holds my confessions on my weaknesses as a wife, and what I hope to become, as well as (most importantly) the great Grace we are offered as children of God, the Author of compassion.

I'm learning how to keep him smiling :)  

And here is my dear sweet husband, that I speak of in the article, who worked hard all day, as we moved more boxes into our apartment!  He is a wonderful man!

Ruth

Will I {choose to} be filled?

I woke with a grumbling heart.  Unfortunate, as my sweet husband patiently read Scripture, and we prayed.  We fed the farm animals while my soul went hungry, and then hastened to the house to cook the breakfast, fold the clothes, plan the day....kiss my husband goodbye and whisper an apology under my breath, still operating in my strength and not His.  Is there Holy Strength available that early in the morning?  There must be, I tell myself.  In fact, I do remember my foggy mind hearing a whisper from the Spirit, while feeding carrots to horses Lucy, Pretty, and William....be kind to your husband...do not grumble about this and that...those things are not worth grumbling about.  Oh.  yes.  He did speak.  Did I listen?  Half-heartedly, I'm afraid.

The warmth of the shower finally woke my deadened spirit, making me alive to the movement of God in my day.  Directions for the day.  Softening of my heart.  It seems that I had forgotten to wake with praise and thanks.  And so, quickly, I went to look for my 'One Thousand Gifts' journal....(more on that here and here) and it was not to be found.  Have I gotten out of the habit?  Can I afford to forget to be thankful?  I think not.

The book of Philippians was staring at me, which reminds me to be joyful and thankful, like the Apostle Paul, in all circumstances.  Right.  I suppose that includes the early morning hours?  I see my empty mug of tea, and reflect on the emptiness in my own soul.

And so, before I plan the rest of my day or return to operating in my own resources....I turn to Christ to be filled....the Wellspring of all joy, goodness, life...the origin of the Fruit my spirit needs this day.  Every day.

{And the Grace comes....as my husband tells me I am being too hard on myself....yes...and we will work on getting more sleep for me....Psalms tells me that God grants sleep to those He loves.  And I am loved!}

{This is the beautiful love we are after....read here...}

Ruth

The Deadly Sin of Discontent

Hello friends!


I have recently become a contributor on a wonderful website, Letters to My Sisters, whose vision is that through 'eternally-minded letters', women would "be lifted up by the Word of God and His love which is poured out to the readers through the thoughts of our authors." 


I have met two of these dear ladies at our new church, St. Andrews, and you will thoroughly enjoy following Mimi, Kayla, and the others, as they write letters to women, in the vein of the New Testament letters written by Paul.


Check out my recent contribution here and post a comment or share the article if you think it would be of help to someone you know.  


Blessings, 
Ruth 

It's All About the Gospel, Anyway...

Where do you have your best thoughts?  Those little whispers from heaven that sneak into your mind and give you shocking clarity?  I have been trying to capture those thoughts like the flash of summer lightning bugs in a jar...there for a moment, and gone in a flash...but not if you capture its light!

The Message was Clear...
This morning in the shower it came to me softly, and yet with purpose..."You can't do this without the Gospel...."  That thought demands attention.  Of course I knew what was being referred to...we have faced a challenging start to life in Florida, and my flesh has risen up more than once speaking lies to me...."This is not fair", "I don't deserve this", and "This was not what I was hoping for..., " to name a few ridiculous thoughts that I have entertained....What lies seem to plague your mind?  And even more compelling of a conversation...what do you do with them?

The Only Solution...
In my more rational, holy moments, the solution is clear...feed the lie Truth, with a Capital-T!  "It is not about fairness, and besides, I don't deserve to be rescued from hell, anyway"..."What exactly am I hoping for, when we are told that this world will bring us troubles and tribulation until Christ returns to take us home?"  And so it begins...

The Meditation...
And so I find that meditating on Truth brings me the peace, hope and joy that I crave, that I can't really LIVE without.  I put my mind on the sacrifice of Christ, and how His example left me with the blueprint for how to interact with others who challenge my 'comfort' (and provide the opportunity for me to grow!)  I have been shown incredible grace in my life....many have displayed Christ-like sacrificial love towards me in my sin and messiness, and today, though I am not there yet, I ask God to change my heart and give me the ability and desire to love this way.

My journey has begun....and I would love to know where you are on this journey towards Christ-like love... It is worth the fight to be more fully like Him!

Ruth

Elusive Rest...the Who and Why...

What is it on your list that seems hardest to get to?  Is it the laundry, the bills, that important phone call, or the important date with either your significant other or your God, my God?

For me, this past month, it has been my time with the Lord, the elusive Rest that is only to be found at the feet of Christ.  And yes, this does happen most often during busy times, such as the upheaval of a move that we have been through, but this Rest is something worth fighting for!

This weekend, we, my love and I, fought to carve out time alone, away from home, just to relax and reconnect.  It is so hard to get that on the calendar and then get away!  But it is even harder with God, I find, to really connect my soul, to His eternal Wellspring of Life.  Always an interruption, something silly or something big and important (or so we think...)

Today I remember and reflect on the God I have come to know, who is always faithful to FIND ME...in the busy moments and in the slow moments, when I am distracted by this world and all that threatens to draw me away from Him.  I put a Memorial Stone next to this Jordan...and cross over into the deep peace and rest that are mine for the taking, in the Promised Land of Life in Christ....imperfect and yet still so life-giving in this world.  While we all long for the true Heavenly Rest that is to come, I take comfort and delight in My God today, and remember all the times He has come running to find me when I am lost, and nowhere within His reach.

Wherever you are, He will find you too....

Ruth

UPDATE:  Link to great blog post on REST and the creative process here...

GPS God?

"Things don't seem to be going the way I expected"....those were my words to a girlfriend last week, as I mulled over some of the challenges Paul and I have faced in Florida.  Her response to me was almost a laugh...and yes, of course I know better than to have expectations of God and where he will take us.  "Isn't that the way God works?!," she replied.  Yes...


Isaiah 55:9
“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.


As I spent some time journaling and in the Word and prayer this morning, I thought of how handy the GPS on Paul's phone has been as we have tried to find our way around the central Florida region.  All you need is an address, and the satellite finds where we are, and where we are trying to go.  As I was praying this morning, I realized that this is VERY different from the way God works.  How often do we try to get him to function like our handy technology, punching in the request that we want, and asking Him to get us there?


Today I remember that our God is a holy and perfect God, and His goal is always first that we know Him, find our joy in Him, and become like Him.  And I have discovered (as I'm sure you have, if you've walked with God very long) that there are all sorts of trials and tribulations connected to the accomplishment of those goals!  God does not 'recalculate' as some of those handy units do....God has the plan....and WE need to recalculate!  So that is what I am in the process of doing...aligning myself to God and His Word through prayer and reflection, and coming to see my sin, repenting of it....and opening myself up to whatever purposes God might have for this day...ONE DAY at a time!  

It is so easy for me to get the map of life (as if I truly know where life is going!) and run on ahead of God and His ways, His desire to walk with us day by day.  That is my confession today, and won't you join with me, in 'recalculating' according to God's plan?  (And yes, you can even use a special voice, if you'd like *wink*)

Walking with Him....
Ruth

I am Loved...as are YOU...

It's funny how something someone says, or does, can stick out and make a normal day better than average...and it's those things I reflect on at day's end.

Today it was my husband, again....with humble, sacrificial grace to serve me, listen, and give, in response to my less-than-graciousness...and so I know, as I end the day, that I am loved...

And a small phrase, from Dr. Sproul, Jr., as he spoke from the pulpit on the first chapter of Phillipians. I don't know that the words that stuck with me were even directly related to the passage, as worries from last night brought fitful sleep and I was not fully cognizant of all that came from the pulpit this morning. But alas, there it was, sticking out like a neon sign..."Do you know what is the hardest thing for a pastor....?" I didn't know, and was curious, so my ears were pricked, as I waited for an answer. I wasn't sure I would like his answer (in pride), but perhaps that is why it struck me all the more.... "The hardest thing is that they love you...." Wow. And into my mind poured memories of so many that have loved me, friends, family, my dear Savior, and my precious husband. I think of Paul the Apostle, and how he groaned and was burdened 'til Christ was formed in his churches.

Isn't this love? The bearing with one another, the taking up of our crosses, the giving up of our rights, so that someone other than ourselves can grow, be blessed, live.

Tonight, I remember (a bit early) that I have been loved. Psalm 78 captures it so well, as we reflect on all God did for his beloved Israelites. What if we were to reflect on all God has done for us, not as a rote exercise, but as a love letter from our Father, who bled love for us through his Son, and does it each day, through those around us who love us for the sake of Christ, to finish the work He began.

I...am....loved....so that I may love....

May the sweetness of that Truth bring you dreams that are even sweeter...

Water to Wine...

     And so it was, a day of water, bitter water, turned to wine, in the light of God's grace and mercy.  We studied Naomi and Ruth today in our women's Bible Study, learning of how Naomi scoffed at her name, 'pleasantry' and instead asked to be called Mara, or 'bitter water'.  Of late, I have tasted that bitter water, and in fact, last night, we had no water at all in the house!  [Don't ever say to yourself...'it can't get worse'... *smile*]
     I will say that my sweet husband did work very hard with my Dad to come to a solution, and when there was none (alas)....we allowed sleep to engulf us and waited for morning, and for better answers.  But Christ is making the Water of Life in me into poured out wine; hopefully, for the good of those around me.  I feel myself being squeezed like grapes, and so my hope is that what comes out is sweet wine, that blesses those I live with, meet, and am bumping shoulders with along the way.
     Today cutting words pierced my heart and brought unexpected wounds.  With nothing left to give, and no grace to offer, I cried out to the Father, to family.  And my prayer earlier in the day, for a friend to greet and comfort me in my pain and loneliness, was answered in the sweetest of ways.  Dear sweet Elaine, whom I had only just met earlier this day, brought me into her home after a 'chance meeting' at the local library, spent the afternoon with me, a stranger, and offered the love of Christ.  Poured out wine.

Philippians 2:17
¹⁷ But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you.


     I have reflected on this gift, a friend poured out to me in love, and reflected on this day, on this week.  Crying out to a merciful God is always my best and first refuge.  (Psalm 71:5)  And I am thinking of the Ultimate Sacrifice, of my Lord and Christ, who poured out His life in the face of brutality and more than harsh...yes, hateful and vicious words and actions of those who killed Him...and how....he....responded....IN LOVE.  I was challenged by this post today, and though I am fighting to live in love and grace, what a picture our Lord and Christ is to us of love that knows no end, grace that cannot be exhausted, loving sacrifice that knows no offense.  


And I am humbled.  And grateful.  For a Savior who accepts me at my worst, and will not walk out on doing just that.  What an incredible example we have.  Inexhaustible love that never ends....