That time I could have been homeless + how you can help others who are

Very soon I will be launching a new website - Nourished By Grace - and sharing more details of God's transforming work in my life...but here is a sneak preview, and an opportunity to help single mothers and children who are homeless...

Several years ago, I was a twenty-someone living and working in Colorado, when God allowed my life to fall apart completely. I had not been taking good care of myself, which included not only my body, mind, and soul, but also my finances.

As is explained in When Helping Hurts, poverty is a holistic issue, that is not simply a matter of finances, but even more so, an issue of our beliefs about ourselves, our hope for the future, and our spiritual condition....giving someone money does not always solve the problem.

My choices in all the areas mentioned above were catching up with me, and I found myself at a point where I had no idea how I would pay my rent for the next month. (You may be surprised to know how many Americans are only one paycheck away from being homeless!) Having recently become a member of a wonderful church in my city, I was able to meet with the deacon board and request benevolent funds to pay my rent. Though quite humbling, this decision allowed me to get back on track financially, as well as receiving advice for budgeting, decision making, and serving others. Personal accountability provided through regular church attendance and the small group ministry was also invaluable during this time. However, many people are disconnected from churches, have strained relationships with friends and family (or no friends at all), or are not willing to ask for help (I have certainly been that person in the past)...

For all these reasons, I'm excited to share this giving opportunity with you through Bridge of Hope Centre County. Paul and I will be a part of this run/walk tomorrow night (but you can still give after that) and would love to have you support our team - Holy Yoga State College. You can give on our personal page, or on the team page, both go to the same fund. One big reason I am excited about this opportunity (aside from the cool glow-in-the-dark paraphernalia for an evening race :-)) is that Bridge of Hope is a church-based ministry that connects its recipients with mentors and volunteers in our local community! This follows the model suggested by When Helping Hurts and the Chalmers Center, which has helped thousands re-think the way they view charitable giving. I have seen the benefit of benevolence being connected to Christian community not only in my life, but in the life of a good friend, Nicole, who shared her story on my blog earlier this year.

Please take a look at these links (our sponsor page and our team sponsor page) and consider whether this is something you might want to contribute to. I also highly recommended the book mentioned in this post.

May your weekend bring much rest and rejoicing!

Ruth 

(Bonus: here's a budgeting software program we're trying...see what you think?) 

Why Lent is not about trying harder

The scene we witnessed as a student team was both beautiful and haunting, watching a devoted follower crawl through the streets of a large Central American city on hands and knees, a bleeding, thorn-crowned, impersonation of Christ. This happens all over the world this time of year, and we might find this both shocking and moving. Recently, we also saw 21 martyrs answer the call of Christ to face death rather than turn from him. These dramatic events cause us to tremble, and look at our own lives. What sacrifice am I being called to? Is daily faithfulness just as important and sacrificial? Perhaps God is not calling you to something that appears to be as difficult as these examples, but the daily surrender to grace can be difficult as well.

The idea of 'giving something up' for Lent is relatively new to me, coming from a church background that was not especially liturgical. But the idea fits my personality quite well, being the over achiever that I was for years.

This year, I arrive at the Lenten season tired. Can you relate? The year has just started, but do you look at your goals for the year and sigh, knowing you'll never quite meet them? This is the perfect storm for many of us to approach the Easter season with a works-righteousness mindset, myself included. Coming to Christ needy, rather than with something to offer, is just plain uncomfortable.  Does this mean that God might still be calling you to sacrifice greatly this year? Yes, of course, but our response should be obedience more than sacrifice. I often find myself signing up for more than God is ever asking of me. Like my goal to read through the Bible this year - not a bad thing, at all, but why? Motivation in all our actions is key. I'm not going to say my motivation in that goal was bad, but why then have I resisted the Spirit's prompting to let go of that goal, and rather just focus on one passage? One. Not exactly what this goodie goodie wants to hear. I'm finding comfort in that one passage, in this book, and in the resources listed below.

What is God calling you to this Lenten season? Is he calling you to give up worry (like me), to find rest for your soul? Is he calling you to give up consumerism, for the joy of simplicity and contentment? Is he calling you to really just give in to his love, rather than giving up in general, like you might be tempted to do? Can we see the joy of what he is offering, rather than the contrived self-sufficiency that only serves to make us weary?

May we all find relief in his sacrifice this Easter season, rather than striving for righteousness in a way that leads to death rather than life, guilt rather than glory, unnecessary pain rather than purpose, misery rather than marveling at his grace. Because it really is all about him, isn't it? Let go of your need to feel good about yourself with self-imposed deeds of righteousness, and instead, find your worth in having been chosen as the focus of his sacrificial love, before all time and eternity.  By HIS stripes we are healed, not our own.  That's where I'm camping out right now, and the view is amazing.


Additional resources to fill your soul, cover you with love, and release you from guilt...

Resources from Ann Voskamp for Lent (and why failing at Lent could be better)

Ann's weekly Multivitamins post - don't miss this!! Sure to delight and inspire.

She Reads Truth Lent series

The Fringe Hours - Finding Time for You (what if God is calling you to give up busyness, to better care for yourself?) and online book club to go along

Emily Freeman's blog - a space for your soul to breathe

Emily's podcast and Art of Simple podcast (both are fun and refreshing)

Beautiful Enya video - Perhaps the grace of our Savior will keep you singing?

(Photos from some lovely friends at our church in Florida - really missing the sunny people and weather up here in the frigid north...)

Belief in God's love {our fuel for the joy battle}

Weary in many ways, we walked into the church service yesterday and were greeted by a group of precious elementary aged children singing Jesus Loves Me. It had been so long since I'd heard those words, or rather, since I'd really listened. Their sweet introduction led the congregation into Tomlin's worship song with the same title, and I fought to hold the tears back. Sometimes life just feels like a fight, and without the proper fuel and armor, we are left naked in the battle. I was fueled by that simple reminder of God's love, and ironically, didn't hear much more of the service because I was not feeling well. God knew that, of course.

In her new book, Fight Back With Joy, author Margaret Feinberg drills down to the source of the joy we all long for, especially as we face trials: 

What is the genesis of this joy? I believe that, at its core, joy emanates from the abiding sense of God’s fierce love for us….When we embrace this love and cultivate an awareness of it, our hearts are filled with joy. Such awareness strengthens our resolve that no matter the fight, we face it confident that God is with us and for us. When we fight back with joy, we no longer size the character of God according to our circumstances, but we size our circumstances according to the character of God and his great affection for us… When we fight back with joy, we embrace a reality that is more real than what we’re enduring and we awaken to the deepest reality of our identity as beloved, joyful children of God."

I couldn't agree more! I have fought this battle to embrace God's love. In fact, it's at the core of my story. Letting go of my perfectionistic tendencies, and finding my hope and help in Christ, rather than my own abilities, has changed me body, mind and soul. No longer must I find my confidence in what others think of me, my achievements, or any other shaky ground. The firm foundation of God's love is the basis for the joy I experience now, and that can never be shaken.

I am a firm believer in the holistic nature of our body, mind and spirit, and passionate about encouraging women (and men) to pursue health and vitality that will encompass every part of their being. Joy is no small part of this pursuit towards wellness. The author knows this quite well, as she details in her book. She chose JOY to lead her fight against a cancer diagnosis, and surprised many at what a profound impact that choice made. We are not guaranteed health and wellness simply because we follow Christ, however, choosing to fight for joy can be one part of the remedy that leads us back to health in body, mind and soul. 

God finds delight in us, and delights to show up in our daily mundane schedule, often in remarkable ways. I have experienced the delight of this daily joy hunt over the last few years, and have seen what a profound impact that has had on every area of my life, health, relationships, and faith. Are we looking for God to show up? Are we creating, gathering, and spreading joy? This is part of 'cultivating an awareness of God's love', as mentioned in the quote above. I'd argue that self-care is part of that cultivation as well (but more on that in another post.)

Many of you may not believe that joy is a struggle for me, as I'll most likely greet you with a huge smile and a big hug, and have been told on numerous occasions what a joyful person I am. Hearing those comments brings ME joy, because it doesn't come easy. For any of you who have faced painful trials, you know the real depth of darkness they bring. I am not a stranger to that darkness. Perhaps you are in that place now, whether it is brought on by physical issues, life circumstances, or a struggle of faith.

It is so easy to give in to despair when life is hard, instead of seizing the day or rejoicing in the Lord, as the Word commands on numerous occasions. A former pastor often reminded us to avoid the Eeyore - Christian mentality (Eeyore is the pessimistic, stuffed donkey friend of Winnie the Pooh, if you're not up on children's literature :). In the words of C.S. Lewis, "Joy is the serious business of heaven." Our response to what life throws us will not only affect our lives, but those of onlookers. But don't take my word for it... pick up Feinberg's book, and dive into the meat of her search through hundreds of Scriptures on joy.

As Feinberg says, "Joy is more than a feeling; it's an action. We don't just sense joy; we embody it by how we respond to the circumstances before us." If you're facing any kind of darkness, or know someone who is, I'd highly recommend you pick up this book! Let that be your first action in the fight for joy. And then join me (and the author) in spreading that joy everywhere you go... it's contagious and irresistible!

Find Fight Back with Joy on Amazon or Barnes and Noble. Or click here for the 6-session DVD Bible study, sure to encourage and inspire!

Why wellness matters (but the Gospel matters more...)

Falling asleep to crickets instead of careening vehicles is certainly one of the blessings of growing up on (and visiting) the family farm.  Summertime brings an abundance of sweet corn, watermelon and as many tomatoes and cucumbers as your heart desires (while also being entertained by silly cows)!  But a belly full of home-grown goodness pales in comparison to a soul full of love, wise counsel, and passionate discourse on many topics.  Sprinkle in lots of belly laughs, practical jokes, hard work, and board games, and you get a small picture of what we enjoyed as kids.  Going home provides a good body-mind-soul reset!  

It's been a full couple of weeks for Paul and I, visiting churches and praying about where God might have us next.  But the support of family and friends along the way has been invaluable. As my sister jokingly reminded me, we have enough family stops to keep us going for a while. It has been a blessing to stay in numerous homes and find the encouragement we need for the journey ahead, especially considering this road trip won't be over for at least another two weeks! :)  

Being on the road makes it harder to squeeze in exercise time, but it's certainly not impossible.  Taking walks with Paul and using whatever floor space I can find to do a yoga routine has been a fun challenge.  Though it's been an adjustment to shift my focus from my wellness ministry goals to the greater goal of finding a church to serve in as a ministry team, it is well worth it.  I'm reminded of 1 Timothy 4:7b-8 : "On the other hand, discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness; for bodily discipline is only of little profit, but godliness is profitable for all things, since it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come." (NASB) Our passion for Gospel ministry is greater than my desire to encourage women in body-mind-soul wellness, but that God-given passion is still important.  I want to sit with women and encourage them in their marriages, visit them in the hospital, help them set up their homes, pour over Scripture, and hold hearts and hands as we laugh, pray, and weep through life together.  But I also want to encourage them to care for their bodies as well as their mind and soul.  Caring for our bodies may not seem to have lasting eternal value, but I know from my own experience, that when I have NOT properly cared for my body, I am limited in my ability to serve God and others.  It is certainly very important to remember as well that caring for myself physically honors God because I am His daughter and worthy of that effort and personal sacrifice of time and energy. 

This time on the road is also giving me a good opportunity to pray and consider how I'd like this wellness ministry to take shape.  Shifting this blog to more of a wellness focus is easy enough to work on away from home. But again, the overall direction of my future ministry depends on where we end up, and what God is calling us to there.  God (and my sweet husband) are reminding me to take things one. day. at. a. time.  Isn't that always the battle?  But a battle worth fighting.  

Just a couple of weekends ago, my favorite preacher spoke on Romans 12: 1-2: "Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect." (NASB)  

It was a special blessing to my heart, not only because I think he is the best preacher east of the Mississippi, but also because God put this passage on my heart as I have been thinking about wellness ministry.  As we've pursued God's leading for our next assignment, both Paul and I had been thinking about this passage, and didn't know it!  

Our desire separately and together is to glorify God in body, mind, and soul, and offer our entire lives for His service.  What that will look like exactly, we don't know, but we know that sacrificing our desires for the sake of the Kingdom is always the right choice.  Sinking my teeth into some oh-so-good, farm-fresh peaches, berries and melon reminds me that spiritual fruit tastes even sweeter.  I won't be surprised if God has a nice big farm waiting for all of us Perrys in heaven, filled with fruit that lasts for eternity.  

His beloved child

Yahweh Yoga - Tribe 48

Dear friends,

My intention to post regular updates about my time in AZ has been unrealistic, considering how full our days have been!  But we have some time today to rest, and it feels like such a gift.  Our training has been wonderful in many ways, but I have come to my limits physically, spiritually, and emotionally/relationally.  I would rather see my need to grow, however, than to be content with staying the same.  The first couple of days were especially intense, as I was getting over jet leg and also not used to getting up so early.  Oh, and doing hot yoga for the first time, in HOT Arizona!  I don't remember sweating this much since cross-country training camp in college :)  And that was, a-hem, a few years ago :)

One big thing that I am taking away from this time so far is the knowledge that I am a beloved child of God.  One sweet sister in our class has spoken of this often (thanks Melissa!), and I was also encouraged by a yoga mentor (thanks, Kristin!) to repeat this phrase to myself when I was facing self-condemnation, discouragement, fatigue, etc. : "I am God's beloved child."  What a simple, yet extremely powerful phrase!  It has calmed me spirit immensely over the last few days, even as I continue to struggle with the uncertainty of our future... where will we be living, serving, etc., in the weeks and months to come, now that things have changed with Paul's employment?  I have had to discipline my thoughts, as well as my body, these last few days.  I'm finding that those things, when married together, produce beautiful fruit.  While I would not consider myself a lazy person, per se, I can see how I have more potential 'growth areas' than I thought!  Doing yoga several hours a day is challenging me to not only discipline my body, but it is providing many opportunities to meditate on the truth of God's love for me, and my need to let go of fear, self-judgment, anxiety, and disbelief in God's goodness.  There is something powerful about holding yoga postures, listening to Scripture and worship music, and being given the opportunity to really look within.  I have discovered a deeper battle within - will I surrender to the will of God for my life?  I have a sense that God may be calling Paul and I back into full-time ministry.  Will I let go of my fears about what that might look like, and instead choose to trust His heart of love for us?

Beloved friends, children of the Most High God, you are faced with the same choice today - will you acknowledge God's lavish love for you, and embrace this day, good and bad?  Will you praise God in the midst of suffering, and thank Him for what He IS doing and WILL do through you, if you surrender?  I have not 'arrived', but I am closer to this than I was a week ago.

So thankful for this opportunity to learn, grow, see more of God's love, and rest in my need for Him... Rest in Him today, my friends.  I'd encourage you to check out this great movie about Rich Mullin's life as you seek to deepen your confidence in God's love for you.  We are His beloved children,  ragamuffins, as Mullins and Manning would say, desperately in need of Grace.

Blessings, sweet friends!

Ruth

Praise the Conqueror of Fear {Day 10}

Fear can be like a steel trap on your heart--keeping you from moving forward or enjoying the life God intends for you.  Fighting through the fear is oh-so-worth it though!  I love it when the 'fog' of fear lifts and I can find peace and joy in the Lord again.  Galatians 5:1 reminds us - "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."  Another favorite of mine is Isaiah 41:10.  

Writing out my fears and then writing the truth next to them takes the power out of the fear.  It can no longer keep me captive but is instead shown to be the impostor that it is.   

I'll leave you with two songs to remind us (myself included!) of the true Power in Christ, that can conquer any fear.  

You're more than a conqueror in Christ (Romans 8:31-39)!

Ruth

Praise the Hope Giver {Day 9}

Living hope-full is not natural.  I can tell you're not surprised to read that!  I'm sure you've had numerous things this year, month, even today, that have threatened to steal your joy.  I've felt it too.  But sitting on the other side of a rough situation and talking that over with a friend has reminded me that God is always at work, even when we don't see it.  He is behind the scenes - fighting for your joy!  And often, those hard circumstances that you are trudging through will bring you to the beautiful mountain-top views that you crave.  Not always, but persevere long enough, and you'll see the sun rise over the darkness.  

Life is so similar to running a race, and I always appreciated when my family, friends, or coaches stood on the sidelines and reminded me, "You can do it!" or "Go for the finish" or "Get this girl at the end"!  Often, that exhortation at just the right time pushed me to dig deep and pass another runner or two.  So can I do that for you now?  Will you keep pushing through, trusting that there is hope in Christ even when all seems dark?

Hebrews 12:1-3 reminds me that my hope to persevere is found by keeping my eyes on Christ: 

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

Alive - Natalie Grant song and video

We praise you Jesus, for you are the resurrection and the life (John 11:25)!  You are able to overcome any situation that burdens us.  We praise you for the hope we have in You, regardless of what storms we are facing.  Thank you for the cross!  Amen.

Resting in His furious love...{and a look at my bookshelf}

Life for me, these past few weeks, has been a series of layers....layers of my heart being peeled back by my Savior, as I give up fears, insecurities, and desires, in exchange for His plans, purposes, and rest for me.  It has been difficult, incredible, and unexpected.  I didn't suppose that I'd find myself in a restful state, as life swirled around me, threatening to pull me into the fray.  It's really quite a miracle, nothing I could have accomplished on my own.  Several books have led me down this journey, and I will share them with you here....

It all started with the book, Anything: The Prayer That Unlocked My God and My Soul .  Author Jennie Allen takes us down the path she traveled when she and her husband started praying that they would do 'anything' that God led them into.  It is a scary thing to pray, but also a wonderful journey of surrender on which to embark!  However, something in my flesh rose up and motivated me to 'do more' as I read this.  Instead of seeing this as God beckoning me to more joy in Him and the adventure He has planned for my life, I started dreaming of all I could do for God, and hoping He'd ask me to do something amazing.  Underlying that was a desire for my own glory, rather than His.  I am also reading Don't Waste Your Life , by John Piper, which heightened my desire to see God glorified, rather than myself, and brought on much confession, but still I felt a need to 'do more'.  I continued reading these books, but also picked up Holley Gerth's, You're Already Amazing: Embracing Who You Are, Becoming All God Created You to Be .  I found this to be a huge encouragement, as I realized God was not asking for more of me, but He was awakening what He has already put inside me, to use for His glory, and not my own.  I don't have to try harder!!  As I reflected on the end of my school year, I picked up Awakened: Change Your Mindset to Transform Your Teaching , and realized that I can break free from the negative thought life that often plagues me....oh what sweet relief...but again, this can't be done in my own strength!  God and His power, sufficiency, and perfect timing must all be the motivators.

The book that is really ministering to me now, however, is one I have read before, but turned to again these past few days as I've grieved over losing my grandmother so suddenly--Brennan Manning's, The Furious Longing of God .  I've struggled with self-imposed, false guilt that I could have done more for her, that somehow I had not given enough, despite all the affirmation I've received from friends and family to the contrary.  I shouldn't find it surprising that this book is changing my understanding of Jesus and His Gospel of Grace, as prior to picking it up, I was praying that God would deepen my understanding of the Gospel.  Oh, how He answers!  One particularly moving section refers to the story of Don Quixote and Aldonsa (also known as Dulcinea) as He compares this to the healing power and love Christ offers us....which, once experienced, can flow into the lives of others and profoundly mark their lives.

I am thankful for summer days, in which I can linger over words, listen to beautiful piano music, relax by the pool, and enjoy the company of friends and family.  But more than that, I am eager to see how God uses these days of rest to impact the busyness that will resume when the weather cools and life gets back to 'normal'.  Walking closely with Christ always transforms, and I'm thankful for the ladies I'm walking with through this journey in our Anything book study, one-on-one times with dear friends old and new, and of course heart-to-hearts with my love, and life companion, sweet Paul.

Thanking Jesus for Grace....Resting in His love...and wishing the same for you....

Ruth

{The book links in this post are 'affliate links'; if you purchase any of the books using those links, I will receive a small portion of the sale.  Thank you for supporting my writing efforts!}

As May draws to a close...

Hello friends,

David Nevue is playing in the background (through the stereo, of course!) and I'm enjoying this salad from dinner last night.  I have some ideas for what I'd like to be discussing here at Ruthless Love this summer (hello summer: I've been longing for you!) Well, stay tuned, but one series will involve this book.  Yea!  We're doing the study at our church this summer and I am super-thrilled, trying to contain myself, excited!

But back to the title of this article; I've thought a lot about motherhood this month, and frankly, struggled with the topic immensely.  I've confessed here how I long for that season to come.  I know it will come in some form, some day, but it still hurts to have an empty home.  Especially on Mother's Day.  I must say, however, that several sweet friends prayed and encouraged me that motherly weekend, checked to make sure my heart was holding up.  Thanks especially, Laurie and Gwen!  Dear souls.  Dear friends.

On the flip side, however, I am learning so much during this season I am in.  I never learn and grow as fast as I'd like, but it is encouraging when our gracious Father allows me to see at least a little progress in myself.  Here's a link to my recent article on Letter to my Sisters.  I hope it encourages you in whatever season you find yourself in.

Seize your day for Christ!

Ruth

I've been avoiding you...

I'm sitting on my lovely back patio, enjoying the sunny but not-too-hot afternoon here down south.  Yes, I live in Florida, and it's okay for you to be jealous.  :)  I have no idea how long we'll be here, but we're enjoying it while we can.  I digress....I was struck by this article and knew I'd been avoiding you, my blog friends and readers.  To be frank, it is hard to be honest, to share vulnerably, and risk being misunderstood and judged and who knows what else might go on after I hit 'publish'.  But I believe God has called me to that honesty here, for my growth, and hopefully your encouragement and edification.  I've had my ups and downs this past month, and I'm not even sure how to distill it all into an understandable post, but I'll try.

I have a fabulous husband, an encouraging work environment, and a loving church family.  Unfortunately, I am a sinner, and that makes all of those wonderful things hard to manage.  I have faced  challenges in each area, and haven't always responded well to the discomfort.  I guess that vaguely sums it up.  Ha!  I just told you I am called to honesty, and I guess that wasn't very honest.

Contentment. Joy. Patience. Thankfulness.  Forgiveness. Those would be some areas I have struggled with.  Most of all, however, I have sensed a renewed presence of the Lord in my life, and a greater desire to pursue Him, be in the Word, and live the life He has called me to (even if I don't know where any of it is leading! :) Taking things one. day. at. a. time. Trying to be faithful even as I long for a family and a house and the chance to share my story with hurting people....the list goes on and on...back to contentment!

This past month, just a couple of weeks ago, was a dear friend's son's 6th birthday...okay...not important to you?  I'll explain.  The sweet boy's birthday coincided with my move from CO back to PA, 6 years ago to the day, and ushered in a new season of growth and healing for me.  She and I will never forget it.  I started writing about it here, but then stopped.  I just couldn't put into words all God has done.  I can't believe that 8 years ago, my life had fallen apart, I was distant from God, my health was a mess, and I had really just given up on everything.  Quite a change to where He has me now...and I feel like another new season of growth is right around the corner!  I am cautiously optimistic.

For months, I have felt a call to share my story more honestly, with more people, or just with the hurting people God might bring into my life.  I don't know who those people are, or when they will show up.  But I want to be ready, and am praying about what that will look like.  It feels sort of like undressing on the wedding night-- terrifying and exciting all at the same time.

Thank you for stopping in as I have sporadically shared my year with you, and stay tuned for more info as this next season unfolds.  Please pray for me too!  Specifically pray that I will be faithful where I am, that I will not be afraid to move forward with what God may be calling me to, and that I will not force any of it.  May God be glorified in it all.

And a word to you, sweet friend....know that your life and your story matters, whether it is sweeping up your children's lunch crumbs, reaching out to your new neighbor, or having the conversation you've been avoiding.  Let's all take that 'next step' together.  You know, the step He's been calling you to, and you've been trying to push aside?  Take that scary step with me, and come back and tell us all how it went.  I dare you!

Blessings, dear one.

Ruth

Five Minute Friday: Cherished.

Five minutes and....GO!

My God, and my husband, have convinced me:  I'm a princess!

The memories are deep, of the days when I felt my worth was equated to my good grades and good behavior.  But it's been years now, of walking in freedom from that prison, and knowing I am cherished.  It's a deep knowing of the love of God....the height, depth, width, of all that amazing Grace...and somehow it's burrowed into the very depths of my marrow.  So much so that I can't see where God's love starts and my insecurities end.  Certainly, I still falter many days, and forget my worth...but the rebuilding, the redeeming of my soul's foundation is a work that can never be taken from me.  Words fail me, but the taste of heaven that is mine can be yours too.  Relinquish all your fears, open wide your heart to the Lord...let the Gospel of Christ embrace you, as it has me.  For in the darkest moments of failure, we can most fully know our worth in God's eyes.  When the answers don't come, and the circumstances confuse, and the doubt rages....He brings knowledge of His unfathomable love, rushing river pouring through my soul, and clearing out all the debris of doubt.

It all began with a plea that He might redeem me, make me whole.  And how did He do that, how does He?  He proves His love to us, over, and over, and over again.  You are a princess in His eyes, dear one.  A valuable treasure worth shedding precious blood.  His cherished child.

Christ, the Child we all long for...

The candle crackles and the peaceful music plays of how to sing with the angels that herald the King.  I sit with books piled high, end-of-semester grading, and texts popping in from family, friends...tidings of good news and great joy, and of jobs, babies, Christmas gifts to plan and parties to attend.  And don't we all have so much to be thankful for?  How easy it is to let life pull us down into the mire, and doesn't Christmas lift us up into the holy and glorious, the sacred and wondrous?

I have been guilty of living in that fog.  Waiting for the belly to swell with hope, and joy for the future, when Christ swells within me daily--and don't I feel that?  The mind sinks to circumstantial fears, that loom dark when hope swells in others.  And I forget.  Forget that the Christ child came to us all, no one was forgotten.  Today when we wait for test results, and hurting families to heal, and oh-don't-we-wish-it-weren't-that-way days to end....Christ longs for us to long for Him.  When jobs and cars and houses don't satisfy, Christ gives us purpose, daily transport to heavenly realities, and a home with Him forever.

These days ticking off to Christmas, and I wonder at the child in the manger, who came into our world, us undeserving shepherds, parents, gift-givers, innkeepers....and I wonder.  Will a child coming to our home feel just as wondrous?  This blessed union that has ached and amazed, as we've grown to love and trust...just like that stable, a messy and imperfect, dusty and dirty (literally, sometimes), humble abode...will it be a home for someone miraculous?  I will welcome that one with joy.  Advent 2012, however, brings the hope of the Christ born in my heart, in a new way.  I am 'nesting', creating space in my heart for New Life, cleaning out the dark and damp closets that house my fears, hanging robes of righteousness, compassion, patience, and thankfulness.

Days ago, I sat hopeful with a doctor who tells me that this hope for the belly to swell, it's not impossible (and I'm thinking, with God, was that ever so?).  He says that he has answers, and I breathe hopeful.  Do you wait this Christmas?  Can you turn that longing into a longing for Christ?  O Come, O Come Emmanuel!  And truly, He comes into our hearts, whether the friendship heals, the interview happens, the party goes well, or the gifts and cards are all sent on time....He comes.  Oh, let us be thankful.

Rejoicing in the Christ child,

Ruth

Five minute friday: Running the race

Today I'm getting back to the weekly writing exercise with Lisa-Jo and friends over here.    The prompt is 'RACE' , and this is how it hits my heart....yours too?  Let me know in the comments.

source

I was a runner.  I say 'was', because my running shoes haven't been on a run in a while.  They've been on plenty of walks with hubby and I, but many years of competitive running has zapped my racing enjoyment.  Did I enjoy the excitement of the race days, the camaraderie, the wins, and lessons learned from losses?  Of course.  But my focus is more on another race now, the race Paul talks about:

2 Timothy 4:7 (HCSB)  I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

This is the race that I want to be sure to finish, one that often does not bring accolades....

As a runner in high school in college, there were many trophies, and quite a bit of nostalgia, like the races run neck and neck with my sisters, or the rainy days that made races all the more enjoyable and hilarious (lots of mud = lots of fun!) As a runner, I had a tendency to fight for the lead, and work to outpace the other runners for the entire race.  I loved to get the lead and stay there.  Years past, that worked pretty well, largely because I wasn't particularly intimidating otherwise (hence the need for my nickname 'Ruthless', given by my teammates, in hopes of fending off my competitors!).  

In life, pacing and camaraderie are imperative, but the awards are eternal.  This life is a marathon, not a sprint.  I lived for those shorter races with the quick bursts of energy at the finish, though.  However, they didn't require the same endurance and strategy that longer races required.  I've gotten better at pacing myself in life, and as Paul tells us, perseverance is only developed by training.

Romans 5:3-5 

3 And not only that, but we also rejoice in our afflictions, because we know that affliction produces endurance, ⁴ endurance produces proven character, and proven character produces hope. ⁵ This hope will not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

Facing hardships, falling down, and getting back up again.  Running another mile when your heart and your legs gave out two miles ago.  Giving more to others by relying on the resources Christ offers.

But without anyone cheering you on?  Those were never good race days for me.  Most days there were and are many cheering me on, especially the great cloud of witnesses!  I can still hear my teammates, sisters, and mother on those race days....rooting for me, believing in me.  Those cheers often made the difference between a bad race, and a good race.  A victory or a defeat.  So too, do we have the voices of our church community, friends and family, spouse, coworkers.  Just as I've been blessed by others believing in me, I hope to pass this gift on to others...

And most of all?  My eyes are on Christ, on eternity.  One of my favorite passages is Hebrews 12: 1-2.

12 Therefore, since we also have such a large cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us lay aside every weight and the sin that so easily ensnares us. Let us run with endurance the race that lies before us, ² keeping our eyes on Jesus, the source and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that lay before Him endured a cross and despised the shame and has sat down at the right hand of God’s throne. 

Finish the race, friend.  Run when you think you can't.  Cheer for others when they are doubting.  And most of all, look to your Savior.  It's all for His glory anyway.  A lesson that has been slowly learned for me, but has made all the difference.

{forgive me for going longer than the allotted five minutes?  :) }

Ruth