What will last?

It's the end of my first week back at school, and while it hasn't been as easy as I'd hoped, it certainly wasn't a 'bad' week.  Hard is not equal to bad, I'm finding.  I've been aching to write a little here, but I'm becoming more selective about what I put up- not out of fear, I don't think, but simply because there's already a lot being said online.  I don't want to clutter anyone's life with things that are just taking up space.  Less is more, right?

All that being said, jumping into 'Five Minute Friday' is my favorite way to get the creative juices flowing.  The topic today is 'LAST'.  

Take your pen, paper, blog, or iPad and join me for five minutes of free writing, no mistakes, no re-dos, just your heart poured out on paper - share it if you want to over at www.lisajobaker.com!

Go:

'Been thinking a lot about what will last from my life.  Watching my grandma die this summer and thinking about the legacy she left behind.  What will I leave behind?  Am I making choices everyday that will last beyond me?  My fingers stop on the keyboard for a split second.  Is that a bad sign?  Do I not have any ideas?  As always, my best solution is to take my heart to the Lord honestly.  That's what the last few weeks of this summer have looked like.  As we walked through the book, Anything with our ladies' study, I realized that there was much more living-like-Christ that needed to well up inside me.  But I also realized that it needed to happen in a way that would LAST - not like a new habit that is simply a fad - but a process of confession, hard thinking, and careful steps to change.  Somehow, I've seen it happening.  Old habits are falling away and being replaced by things that will last.  And becoming the last, not the first, is one of the best ways to watch my heart become new and full of the life of Christ.  Some things last that I don't want to last: harsh words, wasted time that affects the steps I could have taken and didn't.  But I find deep, deep comfort as I look to Christ in all things more things than I used to.  Knowing that His kingdom is the only thing that will LAST, surrendering my will in exchange for His is my best plan to leave a legacy that matters.  

I want my last thoughts, actions, and memories on this Earth to be ones of joy and hope as I look forward to eternity with my Savior, and confidence (even if a bit shaky) that what is left of my life will not burn up, but shine like gold.  

I'm ready to become the last to be first, that backwards theology that Jesus spoke about so often.

Thankful that He become the 'last', the servant of all, so we could be with Him forever...

Ruth 

He giveth and giveth and giveth....again.

This is not my video, but it captures so well the grace that God has showered on me over the years....

{Writing again with the Five Minute Friday gang .....click here.} 

I woke with a list of all the things I needed to do to earn God's favor this day.  Surprised that I phrased it that way?  I am too.  Is it wrong to have a list of items we need to accomplish?  Of course not.  But I lose sight of God's mercy when I have my good-girl attitude about how all my praying, and serving, and loving will make me feel about myself and my life as a Christian.  I see this in my classroom too, as it is hard to draw the line between doing things that will make me feel like a good teacher, vs. doing what will actually help the kids feel loved and to grow in their knowledge and character.  Quite a difference, I think.  But back to the list.  The list that grows as I grow in my passion to 'do' rather than 'be'.  And as it grows, my confidence in God and His gracious mercy shrinks.  Instead, today I will embrace the request of my husband as he walked out the door this morning:  'try to enjoy your day honey, don't give yourself a tension headache again.' There's that word:  AGAIN.  I give myself a headache over and over, as I recite my imperfections, rather than reciting the words of Christ as he showers mercy on me:  "Come unto me, all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest." I have to remind myself of this over and over, again and again.  The day will always start with a list....and I will see again, as I close each day, that He giveth and giveth and giveth again.  

Words to the cherished hymn from Annie Flint:

He giveth more grace as our burdens grow greater,
He sendeth more strength as our labors increase;
To added afflictions He addeth His mercy,
To multiplied trials He multiplies peace.
When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources
Our Father’s full giving is only begun.
Fear not that thy need shall exceed His provision,
Our God ever yearns His resources to share;
Lean hard on the arm everlasting, availing;
The Father both thee and thy load will upbear.
His love has no limits, His grace has no measure,
His power no boundary known unto men;
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus
He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again.

Five Minute Friday: Cherished.

Five minutes and....GO!

My God, and my husband, have convinced me:  I'm a princess!

The memories are deep, of the days when I felt my worth was equated to my good grades and good behavior.  But it's been years now, of walking in freedom from that prison, and knowing I am cherished.  It's a deep knowing of the love of God....the height, depth, width, of all that amazing Grace...and somehow it's burrowed into the very depths of my marrow.  So much so that I can't see where God's love starts and my insecurities end.  Certainly, I still falter many days, and forget my worth...but the rebuilding, the redeeming of my soul's foundation is a work that can never be taken from me.  Words fail me, but the taste of heaven that is mine can be yours too.  Relinquish all your fears, open wide your heart to the Lord...let the Gospel of Christ embrace you, as it has me.  For in the darkest moments of failure, we can most fully know our worth in God's eyes.  When the answers don't come, and the circumstances confuse, and the doubt rages....He brings knowledge of His unfathomable love, rushing river pouring through my soul, and clearing out all the debris of doubt.

It all began with a plea that He might redeem me, make me whole.  And how did He do that, how does He?  He proves His love to us, over, and over, and over again.  You are a princess in His eyes, dear one.  A valuable treasure worth shedding precious blood.  His cherished child.

Five minute friday: Running the race

Today I'm getting back to the weekly writing exercise with Lisa-Jo and friends over here.    The prompt is 'RACE' , and this is how it hits my heart....yours too?  Let me know in the comments.

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I was a runner.  I say 'was', because my running shoes haven't been on a run in a while.  They've been on plenty of walks with hubby and I, but many years of competitive running has zapped my racing enjoyment.  Did I enjoy the excitement of the race days, the camaraderie, the wins, and lessons learned from losses?  Of course.  But my focus is more on another race now, the race Paul talks about:

2 Timothy 4:7 (HCSB)  I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

This is the race that I want to be sure to finish, one that often does not bring accolades....

As a runner in high school in college, there were many trophies, and quite a bit of nostalgia, like the races run neck and neck with my sisters, or the rainy days that made races all the more enjoyable and hilarious (lots of mud = lots of fun!) As a runner, I had a tendency to fight for the lead, and work to outpace the other runners for the entire race.  I loved to get the lead and stay there.  Years past, that worked pretty well, largely because I wasn't particularly intimidating otherwise (hence the need for my nickname 'Ruthless', given by my teammates, in hopes of fending off my competitors!).  

In life, pacing and camaraderie are imperative, but the awards are eternal.  This life is a marathon, not a sprint.  I lived for those shorter races with the quick bursts of energy at the finish, though.  However, they didn't require the same endurance and strategy that longer races required.  I've gotten better at pacing myself in life, and as Paul tells us, perseverance is only developed by training.

Romans 5:3-5 

3 And not only that, but we also rejoice in our afflictions, because we know that affliction produces endurance, ⁴ endurance produces proven character, and proven character produces hope. ⁵ This hope will not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

Facing hardships, falling down, and getting back up again.  Running another mile when your heart and your legs gave out two miles ago.  Giving more to others by relying on the resources Christ offers.

But without anyone cheering you on?  Those were never good race days for me.  Most days there were and are many cheering me on, especially the great cloud of witnesses!  I can still hear my teammates, sisters, and mother on those race days....rooting for me, believing in me.  Those cheers often made the difference between a bad race, and a good race.  A victory or a defeat.  So too, do we have the voices of our church community, friends and family, spouse, coworkers.  Just as I've been blessed by others believing in me, I hope to pass this gift on to others...

And most of all?  My eyes are on Christ, on eternity.  One of my favorite passages is Hebrews 12: 1-2.

12 Therefore, since we also have such a large cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us lay aside every weight and the sin that so easily ensnares us. Let us run with endurance the race that lies before us, ² keeping our eyes on Jesus, the source and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that lay before Him endured a cross and despised the shame and has sat down at the right hand of God’s throne. 

Finish the race, friend.  Run when you think you can't.  Cheer for others when they are doubting.  And most of all, look to your Savior.  It's all for His glory anyway.  A lesson that has been slowly learned for me, but has made all the difference.

{forgive me for going longer than the allotted five minutes?  :) }

Ruth

Learning to focus (on the right things)

It's Five Minute Friday, and the topic is: FOCUS.  Feel free to play along on your blog, or even in your own personal journal.  Write for five minutes on the topic and link over here with Lisa-Jo and friends when you're done!

"E-V-L-C-W."  I called out letters to the eye doctor, just a few weeks ago, and have had crystal clear vision since.  Though I've worn corrective lenses of some sort since fifth grade, without them I still don't see as well I'd like.  I know I won't this side of heaven.  Is my spiritual focus any different?  Do I think that I can become lax with wearing the lenses of Scripture, simply because I've been reading the Holy Words since childhood?  Listening to Matthew's gospel on audio this morning reminded me again, I cannot.  How easy it is to look back on a day, a week, a month, and see the trials, the frustrations, the hurts.  And miss the beauty.  The triumphs.  The almost-too-good-to-be-true realities of each of our lives.  I have done this too often!  

So were my emotional ups and downs this week a result of low blood sugar, struggles at school, or spiritual nearsightedness?  (Perhaps all of the above.)  Nonetheless, I will take the time to FOCUS on the things I cannot afford to be blind to:  

~my Father, who chose me, redeemed me, lavishes love on me daily

~my loving husband who listens, prays, encourages, and does it all over again for me, every day for the past year, 5 months, and 11 days (approximately :)

~the fact that my old '98 Subaru still runs (even if only in a couple of gears...we'll see what the mechanic says later today :)

~10 children to love, encourage, enjoy, laugh with, cry with

~life in a nation where I can still worship freely, vote for my leaders, and have value as a woman

~and many, many more moments to focus my heart and soul on

The doctor comes back in for the last vision test, and with the new lenses, she asks me to read the last line.  It reads: L-O-V-E.  A life given by God, embraced by God, wrapped up in the gift of Jesus, and sealed with His Spirit.  It is worth focusing on the good.  Walking in spiritual blindness is too costly!

Focus on Him this Friday,

Ruth

What God has joined together....

Today is Friday.  :)  That's great for a lot of reasons!  But one of them is that it is Five Minute Friday time again....  Join Lisa-Jo and the community of writers over here, if you want to play along on your blog.  The topic today is 'JOIN'.

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Matthew 19: 6 "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, man must not separate.”

Knowing that God has joined us helps.  It brings joy, and also courage, when everything around us tries to pull us apart.  There's the chores, the expectations, the big and small things.  And there's an enemy.  Though not as strong as our God, he's still on the loose, like a rapid dog, unconcerned with anything but its own ferocity.  This 'rabid dog' has threatened to eat at my will and good intentions to love my husband all week.  It can be a vicious fight, this fight to love, to prefer another, to lay down my own desires.  And often we are left bloody, even as we stand victorious.  That's when I remember that God has done the joining, and no failings on my part can undo what God intends.  What a precious truth!  Dictionary.com tells me that 'join' has several meanings, and I see them all at work in my marriage:  to connect, to come together for a specific purpose, and to enlist in the armed services, (among others).  I know the 'already, not yet' principle is at work in this 'joining' God does.... for I see that we, my dear hubby and I, are connected, but we must choose to connect every day.  I see that we have come together for specific purposes, but we must choose to remain united for those purposes.  I see that we are enlisted in this army of God, but we must choose to fight.  JOIN.  Jesus Offers Incomprehensible New life....as we give ourselves to one another, and remained joined as we were on that very first day.

Blessings to you....
Ruth

Connecting brings courage

This world is a flurry of activity, whether you are entering pre-school, or spoiling your grandkids (or somewhere in between!)  And there's this crazy somewhat-constant fact of nature:  the globe spins faster and faster that older you get!  Can anyone tell me why that is?  Regardless, today I'm participating in 'Five Minute Friday' with Lisa-Jo over here.  You can play along on your blog, too!

The topic is:  'Connect'.  So here I go:

I sat in the $15 chair, with threadbare arms, but it made for a comfy seat, an even more comfortable chat....She leaned back, and asked me:  "So how are you doing?"  I gave a few 'easy answers,' and finally got around to the issue that I was really struggling with.  It seems like I am better friends with my struggle than I am with this dear lady (my fault of course!), and it pains me to realize that I'm still struggling with this heart issue.  Do I not love my Lord?  Do I not love my husband?  We peel back the onion together....she lets my heart open, she treats the wound, and we close it up again before she leaves.  Just like the Great Physician ordered.  She's got a busy day ahead of her, as do I, but as I close the door behind her, I realize that she's given me a gift, one that's just as shiny as my wedding ring that arrived today (lost stone + lifetime warranty = grateful wife :).  She gave me courage...to keep fighting the good fight.  She told me she thought something I did was courageous, even though I didn't feel it to be especially so.   I was just doing what God has birthed in my heart.  And this gift given to me from the Lord, from my friend back to me....is this what I can give to my students?  To my husband?  Can I call out what I see and bless them with the precious truth of their worth just by listening?  This is what I hope to do more of.  Listening, blessing with words of life, connecting over big and small things.  What a beautiful thing, given best in the darkest of times.  

Hosea 2:14-16: 

Therefore, I am going to persuade her,
lead her to the wilderness, 
and speak tenderly to her.
¹⁵ There I will give her vineyards back to her 
and make the Valley of Achor
into a gateway of hope.
There she will respond as she did
in the days of her youth, 
as in the day she came out of the land of Egypt.
¹⁶ In that day—
this is the Lord’s declaration—
you will call Me, “My husband,” 
and no longer call Me, “My Baal.”
Blessings to you,

Ruth

Enough....more than enough.

with Mike & Nan at Aunt Catfish's

This morning I sat in my peaceful new living room, giving thanks to my Father.  The radio played popular Christian songs quietly, and my husband had just left for work.  I looked at the vacuumed carpet, that had many feet walking on it to help us move just days prior.  Light streamed into the kitchen, over my bridal-shower-tablecloth-gift, with names of friends embroidered, and more to come, gifts of grace.  I think of the forgiveness given and received before we said goodbye this morning, and the friends we saw last night.  I have enough.  More than enough.  My mind flits back to my very first apartment, and the book given to me by a friend.  Subject?  Contentment.  I've struggled with that, and its evil twin sister, Envy. But these years since 417 1/2 West Poplar have humbled me, caused me to praise and not protest.  To embrace grace and give glory.  To honor my Lord and not myself.  And for all those things, I am thankful.  In the eyes of those chasing the 'American dream', I am not wealthy.  But in Christ, and in the eyes of the people this blogger speaks of, I am rich beyond my wildest dreams.  Hasn't He given me all I need?  And more?  Sitting here in our office now, with books lining the oak shelves, I realize that these words, these books, they reflect the Word made flesh.  And as I look towards the task ahead of me this fall, to disciple and encourage young lives, I know that it is time to put flesh on words.  Though imperfect, I am ready.  By grace through faith, and not of myself.  


Run after contentment, or you will run after the world.  Find Christ, and your heart will be full.   

Blessings of grace and peace,
Ruth

Expectation...both good and bad?

{It's Friday and we're linking up with Gypsy Mama for Five Minute Friday!}

Expectation makes me shiver....shiver with delight, as I meditate on the glory God will reveal both in this life and the next, but also shiver with dismay, as I think back on all the legalistic, oppressive expectations I have set for myself, for others.  Expectation is both good and bad.

The good...

Being expectant with hope is the essence of Christianity.  As Paul says, if we do not have the hope of eternity, we are of all people the most pitied!  Why would we suffer and struggle though this imperfect life, if not because of our Savior and in expectation of the great and glorious plans He has for us in the eternal kingdom!  {remind me, please, that this world is not all there is??}  Hope is something that we all cling to in our life here on earth, as well.  Whether good or bad, and I've heard arguments for both, hope to see this or that happen in our mundane, every day lives sustains us.  Yes, of course we hope to truly HOPE in the right things, but the little joys are certainly wonderful too!  I think of the expectant bride, the pregnant woman, the college grad, the home-bound soldier, and the dying saint, all full of hope in what is to come.

The bad....

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I watched the man from afar, grumbling as he walked throughout the store, saying something about not finding what he wanted. 'It just figures' he said, as the clerk told him that the item he wanted was back-ordered.... Then there was the party we had all hoped would be a wonderful event, the park pavilion reserved and the cookie plates all perfectly arranged...and then the rain came!  Or even my hopes and dreams that my husband would do this or that for me, that life would be more fulfilling, that someone would be calling me 'Mom' by now. Expectations cause disappointment, you know this, right?  I know it too well.  And yet, I still expect perfection at times from myself and others.  I expect life to deliver to me what only eternity, and my Savior, can provide.  Do you do the same?

Okay, five minutes is up.  But now is your chance to adjust your expectations....what are YOU hoping in?

Blessings,
Ruth

Seeing Amidst the Pain

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I'm seeing things in a new way.  The trials, they still press in, but I'm seeing the purpose in it all (praise God, I'm finally learning!)  Seeing God's purpose in pain is a not something that comes easily for me.  And I'm guessing it's not easy for you either.  I'm not sure if that is just because of our human nature, desiring comfort over pain, or if it is because the pain is often so unexpected, or some other reason, but nonetheless, we all feel it.  I have a friend at the summer camp where I worked during college summers, who always said, 'don't waste your pain.'  Another way of thinking about that is, 'learn to see with God's eyes.'

God sees us.  In fact, His eyes roam throughout the earth to strengthen us, those of us who are fiercely devoted to Him.  Seeing like Him.  Suffering like Him.

Seeing with God's eyes is also a choice.  Choosing to see the good in a situation, choosing to see things we can be thankful for, rather than seeing only the pain, the frustration, the disappointment.  We must fix our eyes on Christ, and that (as I'm sure you know) takes a whole lot of spiritual muscle.  The author of Hebrews uses the word 'fix'.... not only does it imply that we have to use lots of effort, but it also makes me think that our eyes need 'fixing'.... (my interpretation)...our eyes must be healed, just like the blind man's eyes were healed.

Choose to see today.  Choose to see with God's eyes today.  He is choosing to see you with the eyes of Calvary.

Blessings
Ruth

**Join me every Friday for Gypsy Mama's Five Minute Friday link-up!!

The Opportunity to Grow

op·por·tu·ni·ty/ˌäpərˈt(y)o͞onitē/

Noun:	A set of circumstances that makes it possible to do something. A chance for employment or promotion.
Synonyms:	chance - occasion - opening - possibility - time

Today I'm at it again, linking up with Gypsy Mama's Five Minute Friday!  The prompt is the weighty word above.  Lately, 

I've had lots of opportunities to grow.  Some days, I consider it pure joy (James 1), but most days I do not. 

Oh, I have so far to go!  It is hard to imagine having a desire for affliction, but just last night, I discussed 

this very concept with a friend.  We both have known dear saints who have done this....prayed. for. 

affliction.....!  I think of definition 1, above, and realize that God gives me circumstances that make it 

possible for me to grow, and often I stubbornly pout, just like my student yesterday, who did not want to do her work.  

Oh Lord, give us hearts that are willing to do 'our homework', and become the holy students that please 

you with character that reflects YOU.  We love you, we need you, make us new every day, for your 

glory alone.

Whew!  Five minutes is up, now it's time to go and live this!

Blessings,

Ruth

Community: the Good and Bad, all Shared

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I've been in some good community groups, and some bad....some in between.  I've had friends that have walked with me through hard times, others who have walked away when times are not so enjoyable.  It hurts.  But I have found, by and large, that community is worth the risk.  The nitty gritty of knowing and loving someone well, and getting hurt by them, hurting them back, even though not intended.  The need for forgiveness, over and over, and over again.  It brings me joy and life in a way nothing else does, apart from my Jesus, and my wedded love.  The middle months of this past year have been lean on community.  We've struggled to get settled in a church home, really feel at home, and now it seems that the end of that season is around the corner.  We're settled in a good body of believers now, and so thankful, overflowing with thanks.  These people are real, and kind, and full of Truth.  The worship encourages and challenges us, and most of all, there is love.  Older men and women to look to for counsel, younger men and women, children, to encourage in their journey.  Plenty of life to live together, mistakes to make, triumphs to be had.  And so today, as I look forward to the regional community groups that start for our church next week, my heart is full with thanks, with joy.  I have been hurt by community, but I am ready to risk again, for the joy and hope of what Christ made possible for us on the Cross.

I hope you will take the plunge into real community too.

Blessings
Ruth

Take a peek over here at Gypsy Mama's Five Minute Friday.  Come back next Friday for another link-up!

Togetherness and Redemption

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Togetherness.  It is a central tenet of the Christian faith, seen in Genesis, Revelation, and everything in between.  It is seen in the Trinity, at the birth of Christ, and at the Cross.  In the Old Testament wanderings through the wilderness, the start of the apostolic church in Acts, and the journeys of Paul through the New Testament.  Do you see it in your life?  Do I see it in mine?

Most of all, I see it as God has brought me through challenging times.  Without those dark valleys, I probably would have continued to rely on myself.  Growing up I was blessed with the togetherness of a lively farm family, and then blessed with togetherness in college, post-college during traumatic events, on mission trips, and now in marriage.  Each season has had its successes and failures, but it has largely taken place in close community.  I believe this is the crux of redemption in our lives....the working out of our faith and our struggles, as we live in togetherness.

And that's a focus I'd like to have here on this blog, a little more than I have.  I've posted my life verse, Isaiah 58:12 up on my header, to remind me that God has called me to togetherness, redemption, and helping others see redemption in their lives too.  I want to hear your stories, and I'll be getting that process geared up soon.  How has God redeemed 'the messes and mundane' of your life through togetherness?  There's really no other way to be redeemed.  For whether you have walked alone (with God) or walked hand in hand with dear friends, you were never alone.  What a beautiful reality we all have as followers of Christ.

Together with you,

Ruth

PS--head over to Gypsy Mama to see today's Five Minute Friday Link-up!

Good-bye and Hello

So glad to have him by my side as I say 'good-bye' and 'hello' to many things

Goodbyes are hard.  And sometimes I avoid them altogether!  Just today I was thinking about certain elements of others seasons of my life that I miss, but I felt the Lord's nudge to keep moving forward.  I'm in a bit of a slump and just like when running a race, if you don't keep pushing ahead, you'll be tempted to stop.  However, that doesn't mean we ignore how we are feeling.  Let's explore that a little.

In college, I had a mentor at summer camp who was awesome (I mean really awesome....not many people as stellar as Anna!)  When this thought came up in my mind post-college, she encouraged me to think through what I really enjoyed or was missing about that particular season.  That was always helpful to me, because then I could work to include some of the things I loved from past seasons of life.  But I really believe it is also important to think through why God may have moved you on to a new season.  Today I'm thinking about that.....what I've said hello to, and what I've said goodbye to.

Goodbye to:

~some really great friends
~a job I loved and felt passionately called to
~proximity to family
~a super-cute home and backyard
~worship team
~an ultra-safe town and neighborhood:  biking everywhere was an option
~an excellent roommate!

Hello to:

~a fabulous, more-than-I-could-ever-ask-or-hope-for husband!
~a church where we both really feel comfortable
~a more relaxed schedule
~my calling as a wife and homemaker
~new friends
~new opportunities for ministry
~the chance to explore a new area and make memories together!

The Why?  Well, I'm still thinking through this one....but a big part of the answer lies in growth, I would imagine.  My Father God seems to like to push me ahead to new things once I get comfortable (and stagnant) with the old scenario.  Oh, you too?  :)  I'm learning to accept the blessings of the new season, and be grateful for what I have now, all the while appreciating the memories from the past.

I trust you are able to go through this process for yourself as well.  Post a comment so I can encourage you in your journey!

Blessings on your weekend,
Ruth